No Place Like Home
by kittencaboodle
Summary: goes AU after "Grave". Buffy fights Willow. Willow dies. Buffy runs away. This is set about a year after that. Spike has a soul, be prepared for much angstiness and fluffy Spuffy love, 'cuz i'm a sap. rating is for later chapters. Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: So, I don't own any of this. it's tragic. tragically tragic. don't sue me, pretty pretty please.

Some stuff you need to know: anything in _italics_ is either a flashback or a letter. You're smart, people, you can tell the difference. Also, the main bit of this story revolves around Buffy running away after Willow dies in a different version of "Grave." Xander doesnt do the whole "yellow crayon" bit, and badness ensues. Also, the terrible bathroom scene didnt happen, nor did Spike and Anya's sexiness on top of the table, because i can pick and choose what i want to have happened. The rating's for later chapters, but there is a good bit of angstiness in this.

oh yeah, and if you leave me lovin' in the form of comments, i'll put more up. not that i'm bribing you. but if bribing works, then hey, i'm bribing the hell out of you. ~Kitten

Chapter 1

"_Willow, you can reverse this," Buffy said. "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry about Tara, but this-this isn't the way, Will."_

"_I think you're wrong, _Buff, _this is the only way," the now-black-haired witch said. She closed her eyes and began to chant. "In nomine leek domine patrista-"_

"_Willow, please don't make me do this," Buffy begged desperately, clutching her sword tighter._

"_Why do you want to stop me?" Willow asked, glaring at her. "You hate it here. If you die, you'll just go back to Heaven. I'm doing you a favor." She began chanting again._

"_No, Willow. Please, stop this," Buffy pleaded._

"_If you want to stop me, you'll have to kill me," Willow said._

"_Willow, please-"_

"_Buffy, either kill me or shut the fuck up," Willow snapped. Tears in her eyes, Buffy stepped closer to her._

"_I'm sorry, Will," she said, thrusting her sword through the former redhead's stomach. Willow's eyes went wide and she fell, breaking every spell she'd cast since Tara's death._

The girl woke up screaming. She hated that memory. Watching as her best friend's life faded in front of her eyes. She turned over in bed, burying her face into the pillow and sobbing. She sobbed helplessly until her alarm clock sounded, ringing loudly in her ear. Slapping a palm over it, she sniffled and climbed begrudgingly out of bed. She showered slowly, thinking.

_Buffy trudged back to the house, covered in Willow's blood and carrying a blood- stained broadsword. She pushed the door open, stumbling to the living room. Her sister rushed to her side, taking in the sight of post-battle Buffy._

"_Is Giles okay?" Buffy murmured, edging away from them._

"_Yeah, Anya thinks he'll be fine," Dawn said slowly, staring wide-eyed at her sister._

"_Good," Buffy said numbly. "Everybody else?"_

"_Some cuts and bruises," Dawn answered. Buffy nodded slowly, moving to go upstairs. "Buffy?" Dawn called. "Where's Willow?"_

"_Willow's dead," Buffy said. Her voice was dead. Dawn gasped, tears springing to her eyes._

"_Oh my god," Xander whispered from the living room. His face fell into his hands as he sobbed. Buffy walked up the stairs, dropping her sword somewhere along the way. She stripped and showered without feeling it, scrubbing the blood from her skin. When she walked back to her room to dress, she pulled out an old duffel bag and started packing. _

_After she wrote a couple of quick letters, Buffy grabbed her bags and walked downstairs. She didn't stop when she heard her sisters and her friends calling her. She broke into a run until she got to the bus depot. Déjà vu._

"_One ticket to the farthest place possible," she said. She paid for her ticket and climbed onto the bus. She never looked back._

Now was not the time to break down. She had to go to work. She finished showering and put on her glamour before going to work.

* * *

Dawn woke up early, then groaned. It would be so much easier just to stay in bed today. Buffy, Willow, and Tara had been gone a year. She visited Tara's grave often, and made the trek to Willow's every once in a while. She couldn't bring herself to forgive the witch just yet. She'd heard from her sister six months ago, telling her she was okay, but not to come look for her.

_Dawnie,_

_I'm so sorry I left without telling you. I hope you're okay. I miss you. I love you so much, but I can't be there anymore. Is Xander taking good care of you? I hope so. If Spike ever comes back, tell him I miss him. Give my love to Giles and Anya too. _

_Please, Dawnie, don't try to find me, and tell the others that I don't want to be found. I'm sending this from New York, where I've been for awhile, but by the time you get this, I'll be gone. Tell Spike, if he ever comes back, not to come after me, but to stay and take care of you. I'll be fine on my own, and you guys will be better off without me._

_I'm sorry, Dawnie. I love you._

_Buffy._

God, it was just like her first letters all over again. She'd left one for her, one for Spike and one for Giles and Xander. She hadn't gotten to read Spike's; he kept it for himself, but she still had the letters Buffy had left for her and the remaining Scoobies.

_Dawn,_

_I'm leaving. I'm sorry. I killed Willow. I love you. I'm proud of you. Please, take care of yourself. _

_Buffy._

_Xander, Giles, and Anya-_

_I'm so sorry. I killed Willow. I had to. She was going to end the world. But I'm leaving now. I'm sorry. I can't be here anymore. _

_Giles and Xander- take care of Dawn for me, please. Love her like your own. There's some money, but not much. I'd like her to have the house, if you can manage it, but I understand if you have to sell it._

_Anya- I know you're hurting, but please, for me, don't hurt anyone. You don't have to be a demon. You're a good person, Anya. I'm proud to have called you my friend._

_Xander- you're the brother I never had, and the only one I would have chosen. I love you so much. Take care of Dawnie, please. I trust you to love her as much as I do._

_Giles- You're the only father I've ever had. I'm so sorry I'm disappointing you. I wish I wasn't._

_There's a letter here for Spike, too, if he ever comes back. Please, it's only for him._

_Don't come after me. I don't deserve you guys. Be happy. Be safe._

_I love you._

Dawn didn't know what Spike's letter had said, but it was longer than the rest and it made him cry. She'd never had the guts after he read it to ask him about it.

Dawn climbed out of bed and padded over to Spike's room. He'd started living in the Summers house when he'd come back to Sunnydale with a soul. He slept in Buffy's room now. Xander and Anya took Joyce's old room, and they'd turned Joyce's old office into a room for Giles.

"Spike?" she called quietly when she pushed open his door. The room was dark, but she could see he was sleeping. "Spike?" she tried again. This time, his eyes shot open and he sat up quickly.

"What is it, Bit? Are you okay?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah, I'm just- I miss her." Dawn was close to tears.

"Gimme a sec, Bit. Turn around," he said. Dawn did as she was told, and Spike climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants.

"Okay, Snack Pack, it's okay now." When Dawn turned back towards him, tears were openly flowing down her face. In two steps, Spike had Dawn gathered into his arms in a crushing hug.

"It's okay, Sweetheart," he purred, stroking her hair. "It's gonna be okay."

"I want to find her," she said, pulling away. The signature Summers Stubbornness was shining in her eyes, and Spike knew better than to try to argue with her.

"Okay," he said. "Do you want her to come home?"

"I just need to see her," Dawn said. "I need to know that she's okay. I just- I need to see her."

"Okay, Niblet," he said. "Then we'll find her. Lemme make a few calls, see if 'nyone's seen her, okay?"

"Yeah, guess that would be better than just running off, huh?"

"Yeah," he said. "I've got some blokes I know in New York, so let's start there." He led Dawn over to the bed, making her lay down. "Sleep now, honey."

"'Night, Spike," she murmured, her eyes already closing.

* * *

He could just bloody kill her. Running off like that, leaving her sister for the Whelp to take care of. Selfish bitch.

God, he missed her.

As he watched Dawn sleep, Spike moved over to where his old duster lay draped over a chair. He pulled two things out of the pocket. One was a picture, so worn and folded only he could really tell who it was. The other was a letter. He'd read it so many times he didn't need to anymore, but it made him feel like she was back there with him.

_Dear Spike,_

_I miss you. I know why you left, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. You were supposed to be the one who didn't leave, William. But you did, and you broke my heart. I hate you for that._

_But you know I could never really hate you, right? Not with the way you love me. I could never hate your heart, which loves so purely and so strongly. I love your heart._

_I love your heart. I love your eyes. I love your stupid peroxide hair. I love the way you talk, I love the way you think. I love all those pet names you gave me. I love your courage, Spike. You're the strongest person I've ever known, so much stronger than I am. You're so much better than I am, than I ever could be. _

_I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I was selfish and I hurt you. I'm so sorry, Spike. You deserve to be loved so much, and I wouldn't give you that. I should have. But you scared me to death. And you were so much more alive than I was. I didn't want to be alive, because being alive meant pain. And you, Spike, would have destroyed me if I let you in. I'm so sorry, my love._

_I love you. It's stupid how I can write that but I can't say it. I love you, I love you, I love you. Forever. You're my match, Spike. My equal. I could never love someone as much as I love you. Know that, baby. There will never be anyone who means as much to me as you do. You're the One._

_I killed Willow, love. She was trying to end the world, and I killed her. She was my best friend until you showed up, and I shoved a sword through her gut. Her blood won't ever wash off my hands._

_I have to leave, and please, baby, don't come after my. Don't try to find me. It's better for everyone if I leave. Everything I love turns to ashes, and I can't do it anymore. I can't bear to hurt anyone else, and yes, I know my leaving hurts, but they'll be better off in the long run._

_Please, my love, take care of Dawn for me. She'll need you. Try to be a better parent for her than I was. And watch over my friends for me. I trust you to protect them. I believe in you._

_Try to be happy, Sweetheart, even if I'm not there. And don't be afraid to fall in love again. Just because I'll never find anyone else doesn't mean you shouldn't. I love you, and I want you to be happy, Spike. I want you to smile, and laugh, and dance. Well, maybe not dance. You're not that good at it, baby. _

_I love you more than there are words._

_Love,_

_Your Slayer_

Spike couldn't hold back the tears as he read her letter again. Stupid bint. Thinking he could ever love after her. He'd gone and gotten his soul for her, hadn't he? Only to come back to Sunnyhell to find her gone and the lover witches dead. Warren killed Tara, Willow killed Warren, and Buffy killed Willow. Buffy had taken off, leaving Watcher Boy, Demon Girl, and the Whelp to take care of Dawn. And then there was this letter she left, along with his duster that he'd left behind. This beautiful, terrible letter. She told him she loved him. She told him he was the One. And then she asked him to stay away.

Stupid bloody woman. Didn't she realize how much he missed her? How much he needed her? He loved her so fiercely it hurt.

With another glance at Dawn's sleeping form, he left the room and went downstairs. He dialed a number he shouldn't be familiar with, and waited for the phone to ring.

"Hey Peaches?" he asked, once his sire had picked up. "I need a favor."

* * *

Chicago was a good town, not too busy and not too slow. Not like New York, where something was always happening, or like Sunnydale, where nothing happened until an apocalypse. The sun was setting as Buffy walked from her first job to her second. A few more years of working two jobs and she's have enough saved to send Dawn to college. One job to pay the bills, the other to save for her.

She kept up with the papers in Sunnydale, checking on the people she loved. Every once in awhile she would call the house, just to hear their voices. But that was hard. Especially when Spike answered. He'd known it was her, of course, and the sound of his beautiful voice begging her to talk to him broke her heart. He'd finally given up and told her what she wanted to hear: that everyone was okay, that they were happy as they could be, and that Dawn was safe. He told her he loved her and hung up. She'd cried for nearly two days after that.

She screwed a smile onto her face as she walked into _Stage_, the bar she worked at. A quick glamour in the bathroom and she was ready to go. She was surprised how easily the glamours came to her now. A quick chant and a wave of her hand, and she became a new person.

In Chicago they called her Amber. For a month in Cincinnati she'd been Natalie, for a week in Memphis she was Clair. In New York she was Grace, in Miami she'd been Holly, in Dallas she was Joy, and in Las Vegas she'd been Marie. It was easy to forget Buffy Summers and what she'd done when she'd spent the last year being different people. Her last names were her friends- Amber Dawn, Grace Williams, Clair Willows, Joy Maclay, Natalie Giles, Holly Jenkins, and Marie Harris. She kept them with her in any way she could.

She wore Spike's ring on her finger. A cross Giles gave her was around her neck. A picture of Willow and Xander hung on her wall, and a drawing of Dawn that Tara had done was on her desk. She even had a part of Anya in a way. Every time she put money in her pocket she thought about the quirky blonde. She missed them all so much.

"Yo, Amber, what's shakin' baby?" her coworker, Derek called.

"I ain't your baby," she drawled, stepping behind the bar. "So don't call me that."

"Aw, c'mon girl, cut the guy some slack, it's Friday!" another bartender, Amanda said, whooping. The few patrons in the bar hollered along with her. Amber smiled in spite of herself. The bar wouldn't get busy until later, but there was no reason she couldn't enjoy herself now.

* * *

"You sure 'bout this, Peaches?" he asked into the cell phone.

"Don't call me that, William," his sire ordered. "And yes, I'm sure. We tracked her from New York to Chicago. She bought a cell phone in New York in her name. She's still got it."

"An' you're sure she's workin' at this pub?"

"All of our sources say that there's an extraordinarily strong girl who works there. And since no new Slayer's been called, it's gotta be her," Angel said. "The source we found said she's brunette though."

"There is this magic thing called hair dye, ya big poof," Spike said. Dawn snorted.

"Yeah, it's your best friend, Bleach Boy," Angel retorted.

"No, she is. Now if you'll excuse me, I'ma go find my girl."

"So she's really here?" Dawn asked nervously.

"According to Tall, Dark, and Forehead, yes," Spike said, slipping the cell phone into his pocket. "An' I'm sensin' strength. Probably a Slayer."

"So, it's gotta be her, right?"

"Don' know yet, hon," he said. "'M not close enough to tell if it's a Slayer or just a demon." He glanced down at Dawn's worried face. "You got that ID, Bit?"

"Yeah," she said, fishing around in her purse for the fake ID Spike had gotten her. They walked to the door, paid their cover, and stepped inside.

The bar was like the one in that daft movie Dawn'd made him watch. What was it called? _Coyote Ugly_. Right. There were two guys behind the bar pouring drinks while three girls danced on top of the bar to blaring music.

"I don't see her!" Dawn cried. He didn't see her either. The girls on top of the bar looked nothing like her. One was a tall black girl, one was platinum blonde, and the other a petite brunette.

Spike slid up to the bar, holding on tightly to Dawn's hand as he did so. The song ended, and the three girls jumped down to serve drinks.

"What can I get you, honey?" the black girl asked him.

"A beer," he said. "An' a diet coke for the girl."

"Sure thing," the girl said. Spike focused his attention on the blonde. She was too tall to be Buffy, even under a glamour. The brunette though… She was a little curvier than Buffy, but she also looked better-fed. He stared at her as the black bartender handed him his drinks and he paid.

Using his vampire hearing, he listened in on the conversation she was having.

"C'mon, Amber, sing for us," a patron asked as she poured him a drink.

"You're not drunk enough to hear me sing yet, Andre," she said. It didn't sound like Buffy. Disheartened, Spike almost turned away when he noticed her wrists. On the insides, she had a tattoo on each hand. On her right was the word "Spike" in elegant script. He caught a glimpse of the left, which looked like it said "Dawn." Grinning crazily, he turned back to Dawn.

"I found her," he said. Dawn opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off when the music abruptly stopped and one of the male bartenders hopped on top of the bar.

"So Amber here's gonna sing us a little ditty," he said, offering his hand of the little brunette to take. Ignoring him, she popped into a standing front tuck, landing perfectly on top of the bar. The audience cheered impressively, and the girl tossed them a radiant grin.

"So, Amb, what are you gonna sing?" the bartender asked.

"Your Guardian Angel," she said into the mic he held.

"Is this one of yours?" he asked.

"Nah, it's Camille's, but she wrote it for me."

"What's it about?"

"Uh, it's about a guy." The girl blushed. The crowd hooted appreciatively.

"His name? Please say Derek," the guy said. The crowd laughed. Spike glowered.

"Nah, I haven't been dropped on my head recently." Oohs went around. "His name- his name's William."

"Lucky bastard," Derek said. He sighed dramatically and offered her the mic. "Knock 'em dead, girl."

Hearing her sing almost convinced him this wasn't Buffy. She sounded nothing like she had in Sunnydale during the musical spell. And yet, he knew it was her. He was positive when he looked into green eyes he'd recognize anywhere. She stopped singing.

"I've got to go. I'm sorry," she said, dropping the mic and vaulting off the bar. She pushed her way out the door. By the time Spike and Dawn made it outside, she was gone.

* * *

Buffy threw everything she owned into her luggage. The luggage when into the back of the beat-up Jeep she'd bought and figured out how to drive. A quick note and enough cash to cover her last month's rent were stuffed under her landlord's door. Without a look behind her, Buffy took off to become someone else.

~tbc~


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: the disclaimer still stands, and i still dont own Spike, even though i totally would buy him if i didnt have med school to pay for...

Chapter 2

Six months later Buffy found herself in LA. She hadn't meant to go there, she'd just pointed her car west and drove. Albuquerque had gotten boring after a couple weeks, and she wanted a change of scenery.

LA was dangerous turf. With Angel and his little gang she was going to have to be careful. Stay only a few weeks, then bail. It was amazing how good she'd become at running away.

Chanting the glamour spell, Buffy became a redhead. Rifling through her collection of fake IDs, she became Lily Pratt. She checked into a motel and dumped her belongings on the extra bed. Now to find a job.

The only place hiring was a demon karaoke bar. She didn't mind, so she took the job. Slinging drinks to demons wasn't so bad, and the guy that owned it, Lorne, assured her no violence could happen inside Caritas. That was a plus. Being so close to Angel, Buffy couldn't afford to have anyone find out that she was the Slayer.

Lorne was an empathy demon who read people by listening to them sing, but for some reason he couldn't read her. She guessed it was the new glamour she'd put on. It was designed to shield her strength and her aura from others. She knew Spike only found her because he could sense her. She couldn't risk it again.

Spike. God, she missed him. Missed his voice, missed his eyes, missed the way his skin felt against hers. She missed waking up next to him, even if she did run off right after. It'd been so long since she'd seen him, since the day he'd left Sunnydale, left her.

_He looked at her with those big, sad eyes that she'd tried for so long to ignore. He ran the back of his knuckles over her cheekbones slowly, his eyes filling with tears he tried to deny._

"_I'm leaving," he said. "Goin' somewhere, dunno where."_

"_Why?" she asked. _Stupid Buffy_, she chastised. _You know damn good and well why he's leaving you, you bitch_._

"_I-I… I jus- I just can't, luv," he stammered, one lonely tear sliding down his cheek. She brought up a hand to catch it and he blinked hard, sending a new torrent down._

"_Talk to me, Spike," she pleaded. Things had been better between them, she thought. Since the Riley Debacle and the disaster that was Xander and Anya's not-a-wedding, they'd started talking again, like they had before their sexcapades had started._

"_I can't anymore, luv," he said, staring at his feet. "I love you, you know that, an' I'll always love you, but I jus'- I jus' can't do this anymore."_

"_Where will you go?" she asked quietly, not trusting her voice to hold if she raised it much louder. She'd denied her feelings for so long, and now they were kicking her ass for letting it get to this point._

"_Dunno yet," he said. "Europe, probably. Back to London, maybe. 'Ve not been home in a long while. You don' have to worry 'bout me though- I'll behave."_

"_I trust you," she whispered. "Will you come back?"_

"_Eventually," he said. "I jus' need some time t' figure out some things. I'll be back, you know I couldn' leave you for long."_

"_I'll miss you," she said, so quietly he might have missed it. He gave her a watery smile and kissed the top of her head._

"_Be good, my lovely girl," he said, then turned and walked out the door._

* * *

A year after seeing her in Chicago, he hears from her. Nothing drastic, just a message from a cell phone she had disconnected. How she got his cell phone number was beyond him.

"Hey, Spike." She sounded a little breathless, a little tired, and her voice was a bit huskier, but from the moment she said his name he knew it was her. "It's- it's me, Buffy. Hi, babe. Um, how are you? I gotta say, you having a cell phone… wiggy! Um, so I'm- I'm good. I've got a new apartment. Nothing fancy. Actually, I think your crypt is nicer, even after the grenade thing." She laughed dryly. "And… I've got another job. At a bar here. No, I'm not going to tell you where 'here' is, so don't even ask.

"And… I've… I don't know if you guys have anything saved up for Dawn for school, but… I've got around $50,000 for her. I want her to get an education. So I'm- I'm gonna send that to you. You guys are still at the house, right?

"And… Spike, I'm sorry for taking off like I did in Chicago. But you've gotta stop looking for me." Her voice broke, and he could hear her tears. "Please, Spike, for me. Forget me. Move on with your life. I love you too much to let you torture yourself. Don't come after me, baby. I don't want to be found.

"I'm sorry, and I miss you… Oh, and by the way, happy birthday. I love you."

She'd disconnected the phone right after. He knew, because he'd called the number twenty times.

"I love you, too," he'd finally whispered to the sky, hoping she'd get it.

* * *

It was always weird when Angel showed up to Caritas. She'd found out Lorne knew Angel, and she'd almost run, but then Angel looked right at her, talked to her, and hadn't known a thing.

_Like he could really have bee the love of my life. The big poof._

Thinking about Spike, or in Spike's voice, rather, didn't help anything. It made her do stupid thing.

"Yes, Spike, I've looked everywhere for her. She's not in LA," Angel was saying. "No. No! I haven't sensed anything… what do you mean, you _feel_ her? You're not mated to her, Spike." She could picture him, stormy blue eyes cold with frustration and anger.

"Listen to me, Spike. She's not here," Angel said.

"Who're you lookin' for?" she drawled, handing Angel a fresh pint of blood.

"Hold on," he said to Spike. "We're looking for a girl. Her name's Buffy. Little, blond, green-eyed. Do you know her?"

"There's a blonde girl named Buffy that lives in my building," she said. Not a lie. "I don't know if she's got green eyes. She's about my size."

"And her name's Buffy?" Angel asked. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, we were talking the other day in the laundry room," she lied. "Her last name's something seasonal. Winters or Spring-"

"Summers?" Angel asked. "Is her last name Summers?"

"Yeah, could be," she said, trying her best to imitate Faith's nonchalance. Angel pressed the phone back to his ear.

"Did you catch all that? Spike?" He'd hung up. Angel turned back to her. "He's probably already on his way."

"Is he this Buffy girl's brother or something?" she asked innocently, making a Mai-tai for a K'larnik demon at the end of the bar.

"Oh god, no," Angel spat. "No… Spike's her… well, ex is kinda a good word for him. He thinks if he can find her, she'll get back with him."

_And I would, if it was good for him. Which it's not._ "She left him?"

"She left everybody," Angel said. "She… there was an incident… Her best friend was killed. Buffy took off. No one's seen her in two years. Every once in awhile, she'll call or send a letter, and Spike thinks he saw her in Chicago a year ago, but I doubt it."

"Why's that?"

"I've had a seer searching for her," Angel said. "She's gotten nothing. I… I hate to think it, but I think Buffy's gone."

"You think she's dead?" She tried to keep her voice calm, but inside her mind was screaming. _Oh my god, you moron! Spike just had to look at me and he knew! I've been talking to you for months, and nothin!_

"Yeah, I think she's dead," Angel said, a bit sadly. "She was a Slayer- do you know what that is?" She nodded. "Yeah, well, Slayers don't usually live very long. And she's lived longer than most. I think she got into a fight she couldn't handle, and now she's gone."

"Well, let's hope you're wrong," she said. She closed her last tab for the night and grabbed her purse. She needed to get out of town, but bolting would clue even the moronic Angel in on it.

"Lily pad?" Lorne called. "Sweetheart, can you come here a minute?"

"What's up?" she asked, trying to appear calm.

"You're gonna run, aren't you, baby doll?" He had a knowing look on his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Buffy," he whispered so low only she could hear. Her eyes widened. "Yeah, I know. There was a demon in here the other day askin' why I had a Slayer in a glamour tending bar. That's why I couldn't read you."

"I've got to go, Lorne," she said. "But I can come back. I've just gotta get out of town for a couple of days."

"Because Spike's on his way?"

"I can't keep hurting him, Lorne." Tears sprang to her eyes. "I can't… I have to go."

"No, Lily, honey, come here," he ordered. "Please, Sweet cheeks, stay. Let Spike see you. Tell him you love him. Then, you can run as far and as fast as your feet will carry you. I recommend Broadway, with lungs like yours." He put a hand on her shoulder.

"He'll end up dead, or worse, if he's around me," she said. "Death is my gift. It's what I give to the people I love. Death. I kill them."

"Sweetie." She yanked out of his grasp and ran for home.

She didn't leave. When she got to her apartment, she hauled out her luggage to start packing, but she couldn't force herself to actually _start_ packing. She'd practically told Spike herself she was in LA. He was on his way now, probably towing Dawn along with him.

She needed to see him. She needed to hear his voice. Picking up the extra cell phone she had just for that purpose, she called him.

"Yeah?" his voice was gruff. She held her breath.

"Hello?" he asked. "Anybody there?"

"Hi," she said. She heard him swear quietly. He probably had to pull the car over.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me," she said. "Hey, Spike."

"Buffy, luv, where are you?" He sounded so desperate.

"I'm in LA," she said. What was it about his man that made her unable to hold her tongue?

"Buffy, baby, stay there," he pleaded. "I'm on my way. 'M almost to LA."

"Do you have Dawn with you?"

"Dawn? No. she's got school tomorrow," he said. "She's comin' down after class."

"Oh good," she said. "She's doing good?"

"You'd be so proud of her, luv," he said, quietly. "She's beautiful. Smart, too. Niblet got accepted to Yale."

"Yale? Wow," she said. "Did she accept?"

"She said she wanted to be closer to home," he said. "So she's thinkin' UCLA."

"That's great," she said. "I dunno if you've saved anything-"

"Yeah, I got your message," he said. "Think my ears are still bleedin' from the Bit screamin in my ear."

"Good," she said. "Then I'll leave the money for you."

"No, Buffy, please don't run," he pleaded. "Please, Sweetheart. Just five minutes. Give me and your sister five minutes. We just need to know you're okay."

"I am, Spike, I'm okay," she said. "It's better this way."

"No, kitten, please, luv, don't leave." She could hear the tears in his voice.

"Spike, baby, I have to," she said, tears running down her own face. "I'm sorry."

"No, Buffy," he begged.

"I love you," she said. "I have to go."

"No, Buffy!" She hung up, collapsing on the floor, sobbing. Once she could breathe, she called Lorne.

"Lorne? I'm staying. But I need your help."

* * *

"For the record, I think this is a bad idea," Lorne said. "Y'know what the song says. 'All you need is love.'"

"Life isn't a Beatles song, Lorne," she said. He was helping her perfect her glamour, covering up the tattoos on her wrists and the bite scars on her neck. The only part of Buffy Summers left once they were done were the emerald eyes. If Spike could identify her just from her eyes, she'd remove the glamour.

"I'm nervous," she murmured. Lorne turned his red eyes toward here, a sad frown on his face.

"It'll be okay, Sweet cheeks," he said. "You need to do this, for all of your sakes." He handed her her jewelry. "Now, let's go over this really bad plan of yours."

"Okay, I go out there, serve a few drinks, maybe sing a song or two, then you wave me over to the table," she said, strapping bracelets over her wrists. "We chat, you introduce me to Spike and Dawn, I try really hard not to throw myself into Spike's arms, and I go back to the bar. Sing another song or two, and if Spike hasn't figured anything out by then, I leave. I go back to your apartment, call Spike and tell him that he saw me. I cry a lot, then raid your Ben & Jerry's stash. What part of that sounds like a bad idea to you?"

"All of it," Lorne said. "What are you going to do if he recognizes you?"

"I don't know," she whispered. She slipped the ring Spike had proposed with so many years ago onto her left ring finger. She thought it was appropriate. As was her habit, she pressed a kiss to the tattoos on her wrists, now covered by her glamour. She silently prayed to the Powers to protect Spike and her sister.

Lorne sighed and turned to peek his head out of his office. Spike and Dawn had arrived, sitting at a table with Angel and Fred.

"Okay, Sunshine, you're on," he said, coming back to Buffy's side. Nervously, she adjusted the short skirt she was wearing and the bikini top that passed as her shirt.

"Okay," she said. Lorne opened the door, striding out into the club. Taking a deep breath, Buffy followed.

* * *

The lime-green demon had spooked Dawn at first. But then he opened his mouth and called Angel "Angel Cakes" and she relaxed. The bright red horns and garish powder blue suit he was wearing somehow suited him, she decided. On the second look, he was kind of sweet, more like Clem than the other demons she'd come across living on the Hellmouth. She'd seen the redhead in the skimpy outfit follow Lorne out of the office, but she disregarded her. The girl had stepped behind the bar to stat pouring drinks.

"So who's the bird that said she knows Buffy?" Spike asked.

"That's Lily," Lorne said, pointing towards the girl tending bar. Spike moved to stand, but Dawn placed a hand over his.

"Let me?" she said. "If she does know Buffy, then she's probably expecting her knight in shining peroxide."

"Funny girl," Lorne said. Dawn smiled at him and stood to walk over to the bar. She settled down at one of the bar stools and waited.

"What can I get you?" The redhead didn't turn around.

"Diet Coke with lime?" Dawn said. The girl nodded, grabbing a clean glass and pouring the soda. She set the glass down on the bar in front of Dawn.

"You're Lily?" Dawn asked. The girl pointed to a nametag pinned on her skimpy bikini.

"That's me," she drawled. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Dawn," she said. "Dawn Summers. I'm Buffy Summers' sister."

"Cool," the girl said. "I met her. Nice girl. Little weird. Who's the hottie you came with?"

"His name's Spike," Dawn said, watching carefully for any reaction. "He's her… I guess you could say soul mate."

"Lorne ordered blood for him," Lily said. "He's a vampire?"

"He's got a soul." _That_ made the girl's eyes bug out. "He took off a little while before she did and got his soul back."

"Wow," Lily said. "Impressive."

"Yeah," Dawn said. "Listen, if you see Buffy, will you tell her we're here? We just need to see her. She doesn't have to come home with us if she doesn't want to, but we… we just need to see her."

"I'll give her the message," Lily said. "Um, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta be on stage."

"Sure," Dawn said. She walked back to the table as Lily tossed a beer to a demon down the bar and sauntered over to the stage.

"Well?" Spike pressed once Dawn returned to the table.

"Watch the show," Dawn said simply.

* * *

There was nothing about the girl on stage that reminded him of Buffy. Her hair was the color of copper wire, and her eyes were green, but they didn't have the undercurrent of fiery strength running through them that he was used to. Her wrists were covered by bracelets, so he couldn't see if she had any tattoos. Her voice was different, too. It was smoky, sensual. She was singing some song about her lover or what all.

"_I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It's 2am and I'm cursing your name,"_ she crooned. _"You're so in love that you act insane. That's the way I loved you."_

It almost made him smile. The song fit their relationship well. She finished her song and stepped off stage to applause. Lorne waved her over to their table. Spike took in the confident way she walked, head held high and shoulders squared. She must be a tough girl, to work in a demon bar without being scared. He couldn't smell even an ounce of fear on the girl.

"Lily, I want you to meet some old friends of Angel-Cakes here," Lorne said. Spike suppressed a smile at the demon's nickname for his sire. "This is Dawn, and Blondie over there is Spike," Lorne said. "And of course, you know Fred."

"Nice to meet you," Lily said to Spike. Her speaking voice was familiar. She gave a stunning smile to Fred. "Good to see you again, girl. Angel's been keepin' you too busy."

"Don't I know it," Fred said. "We've been so busy with this latest case I haven't had one minute to myself." Lily raised an eyebrow, and Fred went on. "We've got a missing Slayer."

"She's probably dead," Lily said. Spike was about to protest when Dawn spoke up.

"She's not dead," she said. "She's… nervous and a little scared, but she's not dead."

"How do you know that?" The redhead looked surprised. Spike smirked.

"I can feel her," Dawn said. "She's my sister, she's part of me. My… dad, sorta… taught me how to tap into our connection."

"So she's not dead, then," Lily said. "This is that Buffy girl Angel was askin' about, right? Why has she stayed away from you for so long? "

"'Cuz she's a moron," Dawn said affectionately. "'Cuz… bad things happened. People we loved died. And Buffy, in her infinite stupidity, thought it was her fault."

"Was it?"

"No! No. Things… beyond her control-"

"Sweetie, I work in a demon bar. Gimme details here," Lily said. Dawn gave a sad smile.

"Her friend was a witch," Dawn said. Spike placed a hand over hers to give her strength, and Dawn took a deep, calming breath. "She was into dark magick. Then there was this guy, who was trying to kill Buffy, but he shot Willow's girlfriend, and she died. Then Willow went all crazy and tried to destroy the world, not to mention that she nearly killed all of us. Buffy… had to kill her."

"I'd've done it meself," Spike muttered darkly, stroking Dawn's back to comfort the girl. Stupid Red, bollixing everything up. He didn't try to end the world when Buffy died, did he? Why should she be allowed to?

"Maybe you shouldn't have left her?" Lily said, emerald eyes turning cold. Now _that_ was a look he recognized. He sat back in his chair with a smirk. "Maybe you could've helped."

"Lily-pad, why don't you go sing another?" Lorne suggested before Spike could speak. "This Malach demon's giving me a headache."

"Sure thing, boss," she said. When she turned away, Spike thought he saw something like hurt in her eyes. She stepped back on stage, but no music started up. She sang a capella, staring at him.

"_I died, so many years ago. But you make me feel like it isn't so. And why you come to be with me, I think I finally know-"_

She didn't finish his song, but he didn't need her to. He couldn't keep the grin off his face. She was there, he'd found her, and she'd as good as told him she missed him by singing his song. She ran offstage and out of the club, and he turned to Angel with a smug smirk.

"So, Buffy's been your bartender for six months and you never noticed?"

"What?" Dawn, Angel, and Fred asked in unison.

"Niblet, you remember that musical spell?" She nodded. "That was my song to her."

"Oh my god," Dawn whispered. He stood and kissed her on top of her head.

"Go back to the hotel," he said. "I'll bring her home."

~tbc, but only if you review!~


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: *sniff sniff* i called Joss today to buy Spike. he asked why. i said i wanted to tie up that pretty vampire and just stare at him all day long. Joss called the cops, and reminded me that i dont own anything.

Chapter 3

He caught "Lily's" scent on the wind and followed her. A slow rain had started, so it was necessary that he found her quickly. He came within sight of her as she turned down an alley. He followed silently, using 100 years of Big Bad skills to prevent her from noticing him.

She came to a stop in the alley as the rain started falling harder. He stood, transfixed, as she raised her arms and welcomed the water. Her copper hair washed into dirty blonde, and grew in length until it almost hit her waist. The illusion that changed her face faded, exposing naturally golden skin and her slightly crooked nose. The tattoos on her wrists were now visible, as well as the faint bite marks on her neck.

She shook her hair out and looked back at him. He'd forgotten how beautiful she was. She took off at a sprint. He followed, relishing the chase as always. She led him through the city, dashing down alleys and cross streets. He could have caught her easily, but he hung back, letting her lead. If she wanted him to chase her, he would.

She came to a stop at the mouth of an alleyway, peering down into its depths. He could sense the vamps at the end of the alley, only two, nothing she couldn't've handled, but who knew how long it had been since she'd last fought? She bent down and pulled a slim dagger from her boot, turning the blade between her fingers like the seasoned pro she was.

"So," she said to the two vamps in the alley. "You guys lookin' for a fight?"

"The Slayer?" one of them asked. Spike had to grin at the look of smug satisfactions on her face.

"Yep," she said, popping the "p" lazily. "The Big Bad's back." She let out an almost warlike whoop and charged the vamps. She dragged her blade across the first's throat, beheading him quickly and turned to the second. Spike watched her, streetlamps glinting off the exposed skin of her back and belly.

"You think you're the 'Big Bad' girly?" the vamp hissed.

"Well, technically, he is," she said, gesturing behind her at Spike. "But the metaphor still stands. And you're still dead."

The vamp charged, popping a kick up to her ribs. Spike winced as if he'd felt it. He watched, entranced, as she fought the vamp off. He'd told her before that it was a dance, and she truly made the death dance a ballet. She twisted and twirled, ducked and leaped, her long hair fanning out around her. The vamp knocked her weapon out of her hand and she sent a brutal right hook to his jaw. While the vamp was dazed from the blow, she gripped his neck hard and pulled, separating skin and bone easily. The body turned to dust and she turned towards Spike, chest heaving from exertion.

He stepped towards her and she tensed like a scared cat. He could almost see her as a cat at that moment, tail raised, hissing and spitting. He took another step and she stepped back away from him.

"Buffy," he murmured. Her eyes widened and he smelled her fear. She was afraid of him. It broke his heart.

"Buffy, pet, come here," he said.

"No."

"Please, luv," He could hear the tears in his voice, and at some level they disgusted him.

"Buffy, luv, sweetheart," he begged.

"Stop, please stop calling me that," she said, her own tears falling. "Spike, please stop. I don't deserve that."

"Buffy…" He let his anguish show on his face, and she came to his side, brushing away his tears. He nuzzled against her hand, inhaling the scent of her skin. She still smelled like sunshine and vanilla.

"Please, baby, don't," she said, holding his face in her tiny hands. "You shouldn't… I'm not worth it, baby."

"Are you bloody stupid?" he asked, getting angry now. "Not worth it? Buffy, you're worth everything."

"No, I'm not," she insisted. "Please, baby. If you stay hung up on me, you'll just get hurt. That's all I'm good for. I'm only good at destroying everything. Willow, my mom, _you_. Everyone's better off if I'm gone." He wiped away her own rapid tears with his thumbs.

"Better off?" he asked incredulously. "Tell me, Slayer, how is your sister better off without you there? Without you protecting her? How am I better off? Or what about Giles, or the Whelp? How are they better without you?"

"They're safe," she said. "Everything I touch turns to dust. If I had never come to Sunnydale, my friends-"

"Would be long dead," he interrupted. "Without you, they'd've been snacks long ago. Dawn wouldn't even exist. I wouldn't… I'd still be…"

"You'd still be with Drusilla," she said quietly. "You'd still be happy."

"Happy? You think I was happy with her?" Was she completely daft? Did she not know him at all? He'd been empty without her. She filled in all the parts of him that were missing.

"You were doing what you wanted," she said, stepping back from him. She wiped at her face with the back of her hand. "There'd be no chip, you'd be just the way you wanted to be."

"Buffy, the way I was was miserable," he said. "I was never good at being the Big Bad. And Dru was nothin' compared to you. The way you burn me up, set me on fire-"

"Exactly," she said. The sadness and despair was pouring off her in waves. "Stick with me and you'll end up dust."

"No, luv-"

"I killed Willow!" she shouted. His heart broke for her all over again as she dissolved in tears. "I- I should've done it differently. I should've talked her down. Xander could have done it, but no, I had to be the Slayer. I killed her. I killed my best friend." She broke down into sobs and her knees collapsed from under her. He was there in a second, catching her as she fell. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, not caring about the wet and the grime from the alley. He rocked her gently, letting her sob into his chest.

"I killed her," she whimpered. "I killed her. And you weren't there! You weren't there to tell me it was okay, or that I did what I had to do. It was just me." She beat a weak rhythm on his chest with her fists. "You left me, Spike. How could you leave me like that?"

"I'm so sorry, pet," he murmured, tightening his hold around her. "I never should've… I'm sorry, so sorry, luv. I'm so sorry." He held her, crying with her, until she'd almost passed out from exhaustion.

"Buffy, let me take you back to the hotel," he said. "We'll get you cleaned up and warm, an' everythin' will look better in the morning." She nodded shakily and he stood, holding her in his arms. He cradled her to his chest and realized she was shivering. Calling himself a hundred kinds of stupid, he set her gently on her feet and took off his coat. He wrapped it around her and then picked her back up again. Cradling her like a doll, he made his way back to the Hyperion Hotel. He carried her into the entryway of the hotel, trying to avoid the others.

"Is she okay?" Dawn asked, rushing to his side. He tilted Buffy away from her, shielding his girl from view.

"She's all righ'," he said, stepping past her to the stairs. "She's exhausted, Bit."

"Where are you taking her?" Angel asked.

"Upstairs," he answered. Angel started after him, but Spike halted him with a glare. "She doesn't want to be around you, Peaches, or she'd have told you who she was six months ago." Buffy murmured and shifted in his arms. She'd fallen asleep at little while before he'd arrived at the hotel, burying her head into his neck.

"Look," Spike sighed. "Jus'… jus' let me get her upstairs, get her cleaned up and put to bed, an' I'll come down an' explain everything." He turned and starting up the stairs, barely catching Dawn's scoff.

"Yeah, right," she said. "Once she wakes up, they'll probably just start boinking like bunnies again."

Smiling at the Niblet's audacity, he climbed the stairs to his room. Good thing Peaches owned the hotel; it saved on getting a place to stay and gave him more privacy. He came to his door and opened it carefully, trying not to jar her. He carried her over to the bed and laid her down gently. Kneeling at her side he gazed longingly at her face. She was so damn beautiful it made him ache. He raised a tentative hand to caress the planes of her face. He'd missed her so much.

"Pet," he said gently, stroking her cheek. "Wake up, kitten." Her eyes fluttered open. She glanced around the room, then shot up in bed.

"Where am I?" she demanded. She finally looked to Spike at relaxed slightly.

"Hotel, luv," he said, touching her hand with his to calm her. "It's okay, pet, you're safe."

"Hotel," she said. "Right." She relaxed back onto the pillow, now silent. Spike could tell exactly when she realized what she'd told him in the alley, because her eyes filled with tears again.

"Shh, luv, no more cryin'. I can't take it," he said, moving to take her into his arms again.

"I missed you," she sniffled. "God, I missed you so much, Spike."

"I missed you too, pet. Every bloody day."

"814," she said.

"Wha's that?"

"I haven't seen you or talked to you or held you in 814 days," she said. "Every day I missed you."

"Pet," he whispered. "I-" He was cut off by a violent shiver coursing through her body.

"C'mon, luv, let's get you warm," he said. "Nice, hot shower'll fix you up fine." She nodded weakly and he helped her stand.

"That glamour kinda tapped me," she said as he stood and led her to the bathroom. He turned the water on hot, careful not to turn it up too much or it would burn her.

"I'll wait outside," he said, turning to go. She caught his arm and pulled him back to her.

"Don't leave me," she said, lower lip wobbling. "I can't… I don't want to… but I can't be alone right now."

"Okay," he said. He helped her undress and offered his hand to help her into the shower. She closed the curtain most of the way, and he stepped back to lean against the wall. He listened carefully as she washed herself. When he heard the choked sound of sobs coming from her, he kicked off his boots and pulled off his shirt. He stepped into the shower behind her, still in his jeans, and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay, bet, it's gonna be okay," he murmured. She turned in his arms and buried her face against his chest. He washed off the soap that still clung to her skin and reached for the bottle of shampoo.

"Tilt your head back, luv," he said, squeezing some shampoo into his palm. Buffy did as he told her and he slowly began washing her hair. He rinsed the shampoo out and turned off the water.

"C'mon, kitten," he said gently, leading her out of the shower. He dried her carefully with a fluffy towel and wrapped it around her. He was still soaked to the skin as he led her back into the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. "I'll be back in a tick," he said, kissing her forehead. He grabbed a change of clothes and headed back into the bathroom, using his vampire speed to dry off and change quickly.

When he reentered the bedroom, Buffy was curled onto her side in a ball, shivering. He grabbed a pair of boxers and one of his shirts from his duffel bag and went to her side. "Let's get you dressed, huh?" he said, easing her into a sitting position. "'S nothin' much, but it's more than what you had."

"Yeah, that was hot, wasn't it?" she said, trying for levity. She lifted her arms and he pulled the shirt down over her head. He handed her the boxers and she pulled them up to rest low on her hips.

"Better, yeah?"

"Much," she said. "It's the most clothed I've felt in six months. Lily was kinda a skank."

"Yeah, don't go out like that again," Spike said semi-teasingly. "Wanted to gouge out the eyes of every man in the room."

"It wasn't me," she said gently. "That glamour- Lily's body wasn't my body, you know?"

"I still din't like it," he growled. Her jaw clenched and he sighed, running a hand over his hair. "Sorry, I know it's no' my place," he said. "I jus'- I can't help it."

"I know," she said. "I hated being her, but I had to."

"Why?" he asked. "Why did you have to hide?"

"I'm not good for people to be around," she said. "I destroy everything. Angel, my mom, Tara, Willo-" She dissolved into sobs again. He touched her cheek with the back of his hand, kneeling in front of her.

"What about all the good you've done?" he murmured.

"What good? Not ending the world?"

"Well, yeah, there's that," he said, chuckling. "But what about Dawn? She's grown up to be a smart, beautiful woman."

"That's not my doing," she said. "You and Mom had more to do with her."

"Every day she's told me that she wants you to be proud of her," Spike said. He'd told the littlest Summers that Buffy was proud, but he wasn't sure Dawn had believed it. "She wants to be strong like you, luv. She wants to be like you."

"She shouldn't," Buffy said, so low he almost didn't catch it. He chose to ignore it for the moment.

"An' what 'bout what you've done for me?"

"What? Beat you up then break up with you?" she scoffed. "Make you so miserable that you had to run off and get a soul? Yeah, I helped you _a lot_."

"Sweetheart, I got the soul for you," he said.

"I know," she whispered. "I'm glad. I'm proud of you. But you never would've had to if I wasn't so fucked up. If Angel hadn't screwed up my mind so much that I couldn't let myself love you without the soul."

"Did you love me before I left?" He had to know. He had to hear the words, see that it was really her saying them.

"I've bee in love with you for years," she said. "I'll love you till I'm dust."

"Tha's my line," he said, chuckling weakly. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but she didn't need that right now.

"Come home," he whispered, looking up at her. The pain he saw on her face broke his heart in a hundred pieces all over again.

"How can I go home, Spike?" she asked. "You're probably better-"

"We're miserable without you," he interrupted. "It was bad enough we lost Tara and Red, then you take off too? If you think for one second that any of us would rather you stay away, you're an idiot."

"Spike," she sighed. He shot to his feet.

"No, you listen to me," he said harshly. She recoiled from his tone. "I'm done handlin' you with kid gloves. If you want to throw your life away, if you want to run every time something gets hard, go ahead. But don't you for one second assume what we feel. _You_ left_ us_, Buffy. No one asked you to leave. No one was angry with you. Right pissed at Red, sure, but never at you. You did what you had to do.

"Willow was gone the second Tara's heart stopped," he said quietly, kneeling back down in front of her. "Even if- even if you could've talked her down, she wouldn't've been your friend anymore. She would've been changed, luv. You couldn't've saved her."

"Does that make it okay?" she asked. "She wouldn't have been the same, so it's okay I murdered her?"

"You didn't murder her," he said, taking her face in his hands. "You saved the world. You saved your sister, your Watcher, me, the stupid Whelp an' Demon girl. You saved all of us."

"I can't do this," she whimpered, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Every time I try to forget-"

"You shouldn't forget her," he interrupted again. "She was a big part of your life, luv, and now she's gone. You have to mourn, pet."

"Running's easier," she mumbled, propping her chin on her knees.

"I know," he said, reaching a hand up to run it over her hair. He couldn't get enough of the tiny touches with her; playing with her hair, feeling the warmth of her skin, wiping away the hot tears that fell down her soft cheeks. "But we're here, kitten. Me an' Dawn. We'll help you."

"How can I go back?" she asked. "How can you guys just forgive me?"

"We love you," he said, shrugging. "'S what family does. You mess up, an' we let you come home to open arms."

A soft knock at the door drew their attention away, and he walked over to the door and opened it a crack. Dawn stood in the hallway, all big blue eyes and hopeful smiles.

"How is she? Is she awake?" she asked.

"Yeah, Bit, but-"

"Let me in," she demanded. "I need to see her."

"Dawn?" Buffy said, standing. Dawn pushed Spike out of the way, rushing into the room and throwing herself into her sister's arms.

"Buffy, I missed you so much," she sobbed, clutching her sister tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Dawnie, I'm so sorry." She buried her face in Dawn's hair. Spike stepped back, closing the door and watching the sisters reunite.

"Step back, lemme look at you," Buffy sniffled, pulling away from her. "I couldn't look at you before." Dawn laughed ad gave a little twirl. She'd grown quite a bit, so now she was almost as tall as Spike. Her hair fell in a wild tangle down her back and her eyes were shiny with tears.

"You need a haircut," Buffy said, appraising her.

"Ditto," Dawn smirked. "And you got a bit thick, Buff."

"Hey! What about you? Is Spike not feeding you or something? You get any skinnier and we won't be able to find you," Buffy said good-naturedly.

"Psh, she eats more'n Harris does," Spike said from the door.

"You look beautiful, Dawnie," Buffy said, hugging her sister again. "You grew up so fast."

"It happens," Dawn shrugged. "You look healthy, Buffy."

"Do I?" she asked. She stepped over to the mirror above the vanity, gazing at her reflection. "Wow," she breathed.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"I haven't seen my own face in six months," she said. "Once I put that glamour on, I never took it off. I couldn't risk it." She examined her face, then stepped back to view her body. Twisting this way and that, lifting the shirt to expose her belly and lower back, she chuckled. "Yep, still hot," she said, grinning genuinely for the first time that night.

"You look good," Dawn said. "I'm sure Spike agrees."

"It's amazing what getting enough sleep will do for you," Buffy said, turning back around. "Not having to patrol every night, just living like a person. It's kinda why I don't want to go back to Sunnydale. I don't want the responsibility again."

"You don't have to," Dawn said. She met Spike's eye hesitantly. He nodded, signaling her to continue. "There's… a new Slayer. Faith's…"

"Dead, I know," Buffy said. "I felt it. It's okay, I know it had to happen eventually. So, how's the new girl?"

"She's… okay," Dawn said. Spike snorted. "Hush, Spike. She's just young, is all. And her Watcher's useless, constantly running to Spike and Giles for help."

"She's a moron," Spike said.

"She's a teenager," Dawn countered.

"Says the teenager," Spike rebutted.

"Hey! Technically, I'm thousands of years old," Dawn said. "So I'm pulling seniority. Now shut up." He smirked at her.

"Hey! How come I could never get you to shut up?" Buffy demanded teasingly.

"She's scary," Spike said, pointing at Dawn. "Catch 'er at the wrong time of the month an' she threatens t' set you on fire."

"That happened one time and he was singing a Ramones song at the top of his lungs," Dawn defended.

"Then it's understandable," Buffy said, failing to stile a massive yawn.

"You should get some sleep." Dawn said. I'll go downstairs and fill Peaches in." She hugged Buffy again tightly. "I missed you."

"I missed you more," Buffy vowed. "I love you."

"Ditto," Dawn said. She pulled away and flitted over to the door, kissing Spike's cheek on her way out.

"She's a good kid," he said, shutting the door.

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "You did good."

"I tried," he said. "It got hard when she started dating. Had to vamp out on one wanker."

"You didn't," she said.

"Caught 'im tryin' t' swallow her tongue on the front porch, din't I?" he said. "Had to put a stop to that."

"Yeah, good job," she said. "But you know you can't keep her cloistered forever, right?"

"Eh, I'll toss 'er in a convent," he said with a grin. She yawned broadly again.

"Get some rest, luv," he said, gesturing at the bed. "I'll go downstairs for a bit."

"No," she blurted as he turned to go. He turned back around, scarred eyebrow raised. "I mean, if you don't want to leave. You can- Stay with me?" she asked. "I just… it's just been so long since I've felt… Will you just stay with me and hold me?"

"Of course, sweetling," he murmured, stepping up to the bed. Buffy climbed under the covers and snuggled down in them. Spike pulled off his shirt and climbed in after her. She curled up to his chest, draping one leg over his thighs and resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and placed his free hand over hers on his belly. He'd missed touching her so much. The feeling of her warmth washing over his skin was paradise.

"Go to sleep, luv," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. He started humming a gentle lullaby, lulling both her and himself to sleep.

~tbc~


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: Sorry this one took me a bit to put up... midterms, y'know...

so, when last we met, Spike had found Buffy in LA, chased her through the streets (i think she's more impressive cuz she did it in heels, but maybe i'm biased) then Buffy told him what had happened with Willow, she cried a lot, he brought her back to Angel's hotel and cleaned her up. Dawn came to see her, more crying ensued (there's less in this chapter, i promise)

This chapter's a bit longer (uhm, 2xs as long, but who's counting?) and i hope you like it! the rating's for the next chapter, which i hope to have up later this week, but i make no promises. i don't own BtVS or anyone in it, as much as i wish i did. read on, and leave me some love, cuz it makes me want to post more! ~kitten

Chapter 4

She woke up confused again. She was in a strange bed, in a strange room, and wearing someone else's clothing. She almost shot up in bed, but strong arms around her kept her down and realization dawned on her. She was in Spike's hotel room, in his arms, and wearing his clothes. She had no idea what hotel she was in or what time it was, but that was okay. Spike was holding her. His strong arms were curled around her and she was draped comfortably over his body. She fidgeted a little so she could look up and see his face. His beautiful eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, and his hair was a riot of curls.

She raised a hand to trace the contours of his gorgeous face. Her fingers whispered across his cheekbones, traced the scar in his eyebrow, touched the swell of his full lower lip. She wanted to lean up and kiss him, see if he still tasted the same, even with the soul, but she held back.

He'd gotten his soul for her. Went through hell and back to be a better man for her. She didn't deserve that kind of devotion. She didn't deserve him, this wonderful, perfectly flawed man who loved her so much. Well, if he even still loved her. Maybe he'd moved on, wised up and figured out he could do better than the likes of her. Why should she believe otherwise? He hadn't told her he loved her. She hadn't heard those words from him since the day she called the house and he answered. If he didn't love her anymore, it would make this easier. It wouldn't hurt him as much when she left again. She didn't want to run, but it was really the only option.

"I love you," she whispered, ghosting her fingertips over his lips again.

"Love you too, Buff," he murmured in his sleep. Her heart soared but heartbroken tears flooded her eyes. She buried her face into his smooth chest and wept. She wept for herself, because she hurt so much. She cried for Spike and his wonderful heart that she'd broken. She cried because she hadn't been there to see Dawn turn into the beautiful woman she was now. And she cried for Willow, her best friend who she missed so much. Willow had been a sister to her, and now that she was gone, it felt like there was a part of Buffy's heart missing.

Spike's arms tightened their hold around her and he shifted her so she was lying fully atop him. He rubbed her back with one hand and threaded the other through her hair. She felt his lips brush over the crown of her head.

"It's gonna be okay, luv," he murmured. Oh, how she had missed his voice for so long. "It's gonna work out sweetling. You'll see, we'll make everything better."

"It hurts so much," she cried. "I feel like there's a hole inside me."

"I know," he said. "It fades, in time. It stops hurting so much. You just have to face it. Fight it like any other demon you've faced. You can't let it take over you."

"I'm not that strong," she mumbled weakly. She didn't feel like the Slayer anymore. She'd gotten a buzz of power during that pitiful little fight in the alley, but it had faded quickly. Maybe if a Slayer didn't use her power, it wasted away.

"You just haven't used it in awhile," he said, reading her mind as usual. "You'll see, you get back into training, let me kick that cute little arse of yours in sparring once or twice, an' you'll find the fire again."

"I had the fire," she murmured, voicing her inner monologue for once. "I found it when I was with you. Then you left, and… it was gone again. You were my fire, Spike."

"Well, I'm right here," he said, gesturing broadly to the bed they were lying on. "Jus' say the word, an' I'll spark right up."

"How come every time I get you in a bed with me, you go to the dirty place?" her tears subsided as she laughed. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, other than for obvious reasons," she amended.

"Can' help it," he said. "It's in my nature."

"Even with the soul?" He didn't seem much different. But then again, he'd always been so different from every other vamp she'd ever met. So maybe the soul didn't change him because he was already so human.

"The soul… is weird. I can feel it, y'know? But it's like… I don' really need it?"

"You were always so human before," she said. She reached up to caress his face gently. "I'm sorry I didn't notice it before. You didn't really need the soul to make you good. You… weren't always good, but you still had your humanity. You were never as evil as Angelus."

"You made me human," he said, running a hand over her hair soothingly. "You made me want to be good."

"Is the guilt bad?" she asked. Angel had gone crazy when he was cursed with a soul. It had taken him a hundred years to regain his sanity.

"It's not that bad," he said. "Not like it was with Angelus. I din't get my soul cursed on me, luv. I asked for it. It makes a difference."

"Was it the same spell that gave Angel his soul?"

"What, with the celibacy thing?" he asked. She nodded. "Don' rightly know. Haven't tried it out. But I don' think so, at least Rupert never mentioned it when he was researchin'."

"Oh, so you haven't…" She wasn't sure where she was going with that. It wasn't any of her business, really. But there was a little voice in the back of her head that hoped he hadn't been with another woman since her.

"Buffy, luv, I couldn't ever touch another woman without seein' you," he said. "Nor do I want to. I love you. You're the One, luv."

She dissolved into happy, relieved tears. He still loved her. She was being stupid, and she knew it, to think that he didn't.

"I love you," she said. She leaned up and kissed him, letting her tears fall down his cheeks. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Buffy," he mumbled, adding his own tears to the kiss. "I love you so much. God, I missed you. Love you."

"I missed those words so much," she said, pulling away from the kiss. "You… you hadn't said them. I thought, maybe you didn't-"

"Daft chit," he said. "Like I could ever stop loving you. My silly Slayer."

"Spike," she sighed. She started to say more, but she was cut off by a quick knocking on the door. Her body stiffened instinctively.

"Shh, it's all righ', kitten," Spike said gently. "Scoot over, I'll get the door."

He climbed out of bed and padded over to the door. He was only wearing his tight black jeans, so when he opened the door to reveal Angel, Buffy had to stifle a giggle. Spike was half-naked and she was in bed wearing his shirt. The expression of pure jealousy on Angel's face was too funny to ignore.

"You need something, Peaches?" Spike asked.

"Buffy? Are you okay?" Angel asked, ignoring him.

"She's fine," Spike said.

"I want to hear it from her," Angel growled at Spike. Buffy climbed out of bed and moved to Spike's side. Angel's eyes widened at the sight of her, hair mussed and wearing Spike's clothes.

"I'm fine, Angel," she said. She leaned in closer to Spike. She needed his contact, and she wanted to reassure him that she wanted him, even with Angel there.

"You're sure?" Angel asked, looking between Buffy and Spike skeptically.

"Angel, don't pretend to be worried about me," she snapped. "You talked to me three or four times a week for six months and you didn't know it was me. Spike saw me for ten seconds and knew who I was." She reached for Spike's hand, squeezing it gently in hers. He smiled softly down at her, and her heart sang.

"Buffy-" Angel protested.

"Please don't start," she said. "I'm in no mood to argue with you or deal with your jealous vampire crap. All I want to do is go back to bed."

"Fine," he sighed. "Do you need anything?"

"I wouldn't say no to something to eat," she said.

"Sure, I'll order some takeout," Angel said, turning to walk down the hall.

"Oi! Bring up some of that fancy otter blood, too!" Spike yelled after him

"Otter, huh? Your tastes have improved," she said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I stole some when I got here," he said. He shut the door and led her back to the bed. He sat down, propped up against the headboard, and she settled in next to him.

"Spike?" she asked cautiously. There was something she needed to know.

"Yeah, luv?" he murmured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"When did you come back?" she asked.

"A couple weeks after you left?" he said. "Why?"

"What were they like?" she asked. "Xander, Dawn, Giles- How were they? I… I ran most of the first few months. I only stayed a couple weeks in each place."

"They… they were upset," he said slowly. "When I got back an' found out you were gone, I wanted to go after you. Xander and Rupert made me stay."

"They let you in?" she asked. Dawn, she knew, adored Spike, but her friends were another story. Especially after they'd found out about their relationship.

"Yeah, well, I was kinda a mess," he said. "New soul an' all. So they put me up in the cellar."

"Basement," she corrected with a small smile. "In the US, we call them basements."

"Whatever," he said, tossing her a crooked smile. "So they put me up in the _basement_ an' got me well. Once I was better, I wanted to go after you."

"Why didn't you?"

"The Bit wouldn't let me," he said. "Then she got that letter from you, an' she asked me to look for you."

"Are you still staying at the house?"

"Yeah," he said, an almost bashful expression on his face. "'M in your old room. Anya an' the Whelp are in your mum's, and Rupert's in the office. They fixed it up for 'im."

"Xander and Anya got back together?" She'd thought after Xander walked out on their wedding, they would be over for good.

"Yeah, they're together again," he said. "They got married last Christmas at City Hall. I dunno how the Whelp convinced Anya not to have her big white wedding."

"I missed so much," Buffy murmured, tears falling silently down her cheeks.

"You'll make up for it," she said, tightening his hold on her.

"How?" she asked. She'd asked this question a thousand times. How could she just go home and expect open arms? They had every right to hate her for what she did and how she handled it. "How am I going to make everything better?"

"You'll see," he said. "You'll walk through the door, an' ev'ryone'll be so happy to see you, it won't matter."

"I don't know," she said. "When I ran away after Angelus, they were all so mad at me. And that was only a couple months."

"'S different this time," he said. "Me an' Dawn are here this time. We won't let them keep you away." He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "We won't push you to come home. If you want to, we'll have you back with open arms, pet. We want you home, but only if it'll make you happy."

"Thank you," she whispered. She had to admit, the idea of going home, of not having to run anymore, of having family again, was sounding better and better. She missed her family. She missed Spike, she missed being around him. She wanted to feel safe again. She wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere again.

"What are you thinkin', luv?" Spike asked. "I can hear those wheels turnin' in your mind."

"I want to go home," she said. "But I need you there with me. I can't… I can't do this by myself."

"I'll be right next to you, kitten," he said. "I promise. You don't have to do this by yourself."

"Thank you," she said. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "You're far too good for me."

"Nah," he said. He pressed a kiss to her temple. The phone rang loudly, making them both jump. Spike reached over and answered with a gruff, "Yeah?" His forehead wrinkled. "Yeah," he said. "Hold on, lemme ask her."

"What's up?" she asked.

"Peaches says the food is here," he said. "Fastest takeout in LA. He wants to know if you wan' to go downstairs or if he should bring it up here."

"I'd go downstairs, but I don't have any clothes," she said, glancing down at the t-shirt and boxers.

"D'you wan' me to ask Dawn for some clothes?" he asked.

"She's too tall," she said, wrinkling her nose.

"Fred, then?" he asked. "She's about your size." She agreed, and he pressed the phone back to his ear. "Peaches? Ask Fred if Buffy can borrow some clothes, an' we'll come down." He was quiet a long moment, then said, "Yeah, thanks, Peaches." He hung up and turned back to her.

"Fred's gonna bring up some clothes for you," he said. "She'll be up in a minute."

"Okay," she sighed. "Can we just lay here till she gets here?"

"Of course, sweetheart," he murmured, tightening his hold on her again. He ran his hand over her hair and dipped his head to kiss her forehead.

"I missed you," he purred. "I was so worried I'd never get to see you again, touch you like this."

"You've never touched me like this," she said, muffled by the crook of his neck where she rested her head. "I never let you."

"Oh, well, maybe I dreamed it then," he said, trying to make her smile. Her lips curled up slightly and she lifted her eyes to his.

"When I come home, promise me you'll still hold me like this?" she asked.

"Every night, if you wan' me to," he said. "Hell, every day too. I'd be happy if we never got out of bed." She chuckled and turned a bit in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled him gently.

"Can I kiss you?" she whispered.

"Like you ever have to ask," he purred. They leaned in and kissed gently. It was nothing like the kisses they'd shared during their affair after her resurrection. This kiss was slow, gentle. It still set her skin on fire, but instead of frantically devouring him, she focused on memorizing him: the feel of his lips, the taste of him mouth, the feel of his hands in her hair. She could almost taste his soul, like it was a hidden sweetness in the taste of him.

"I love you," he murmured, breaking the kiss so she could breathe. She gasped as she rested her forehead against his.

"I love you," she breathed. "I love you so much, baby."

"God, those word sound good comin' from your mouth," he said, kissing her lips softly. She touched her hands to his face, brushing her thumbs along his sharp cheekbones. She kissed his lips briefly, then moved to flutter butterfly kisses over his cheeks, nose, eyes, and forehead. She dropped back to down kiss his mouth again, one hand slipping to the back of his head.

A knock on the door broke their kiss, and she parted from him with a pout. "That'll be Fred with your clothes," he said. He kissed the tip of her nose playfully and lifted her off his lap. He climbed out of bed and moved over to the door. She couldn't hear what was said, but he shut the door quickly and turned back to her with a bundle of clothes.

"These should fit you fine," he said. "I'll wait in the hall."

"You don't have to," she said, blushing slightly. "I mean, it's nothing you haven't seen before, right?"

"I'll jus' turn around then," he said. He turned his back to her and she smiled at his new-found shyness. She stripped out of his clothes and pulled on the borrowed jeans and blouse. She turned around as she was buttoning her blouse. "'Kay, I'm decent," she said. He turned around and gaped at her. She blushed slightly under his gaze. Could she still really have that affect on him?

"There's my girl," he murmured. "You were hidin' under all that makeup an' stuff. But you're still there, aren't you?"

"I don't think I ever left," she said. "Or at least, you never left me. I kept you with me."

"Yeah, I saw the tats," he said, gesturing to her wrists.

"Yeah, there's that," she said, fiddling with the ring on her finger. She pulled it off and held it out to him. "And then there's this." He curled his fingers around it as he stared. The look of awe on his face made her breath hitch.

"I never gave it back to you," she murmured. "I mean to, but… I don't really know why I kept it."

"It was your engagement ring," he said. He ran a finger over the raised design, then dipped it underneath to play with the yarn she'd wrapped around it to make it fit.

"Yeah," she whispered. "And… I was happy when we were engaged." He looked up at her in surprise. "I know it was the spell," she said. "But still, I was happy. I wanted to keep that with me."

"Here," he said, holding the ring out to her. "'S no sense in me havin' it now." She gave him a small smile and held her left hand out. He hesitated for a moment, then slipped it onto her finger. He held her hand in both of his reverently, staring down at it.

"I'm yours," she murmured. "The ring just said that louder than I could." He was still staring down at her hand. Her stomach growled loudly and he shook himself out of his daze.

"We should go get you some food," he said. She nodded and he released her hands. Frowning, she recaptured his hand in hers.

"You gonna go down there like that?" she asked, gesturing at his bare torso. He followed her gaze down and grinned wickedly.

"It'd be fun to see if Peaches' head actually explodes," he said. She chuckled and grabbed her discarded t-shirt from the bed. She chucked it at his face and he pulled it on.

"C'mon, you," she said, tugging on his hand. "I'm hungry."

"Uh-oh," he mocked. "A hungry Slayer. Watch out."

"Bite me," she sniped. He laughed and spun her around so his arm was wrapped around her shoulders. She giggled and cuddled into his side as they walked down the hall. They started down the stairs and she stiffened in his arms.

"Hey, I'm right here," he murmured in her ear. "I've got you. We go in together, we go out together, yeah? There's no reason to be afraid."

"I know," she said. "I'm just being stupid.

"You're fine, luv," he said as they reached the lobby. Angel's crew, plus Dawn, were sitting around a table filled with what looked like 20 kinds of takeout. And they were staring. Buffy blushed and tightened her hold around Spike's waist. He glared and growled low in his throat.

"Well, Sweet cheeks, I gotta say, I don't know why you covered up that pretty face," Lorne said, getting up and walking over to her. She smiled hesitantly up at him. Slowly letting go of Spike, she hugged Lorne tightly. "C'mon, Lily Pad," Lorne said. "We got Thai food. And pizza."

"Good, I'm starved," she said. Smiling back at Spike, she let Lorne lead her to a seat next to Dawn. Spike sat down sinuously next to her.

"Wes, can you get that blood for Spike?" Angel asked. Wesley nodded and left the room as Buffy filled her plate with 10 pounds of food.

"Got enough there, Buffy?" Dawn asked smirking.

"Fast metabolism," Buffy sniped.

"Yeah, right, that explains why your butt has gotten bigger." Her teasing grin threatened to crack her face in half.

"Hey!" Buffy said. Spike stole an egg roll from her plate and tossed his arm around her shoulders.

"You were too skinny before," he whispered in her ear. "Now I got somethin' to hold on to." She blushed and shifted in her seat as Wesley returned to the room with a coffee mug of blood.

"It might be a little hot," Wes said as Spike nodded his thanks.

"And don't you dare dunk your egg roll in it like you did last time we had Chinese," Dawn warned.

"Ew," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose at him. "That's really gross, Spike."

"It was worth it," he said, shrugging. "Harris nearly tossed 'is cookies."

"You're an evil man," she laughed, cuddling to his side as she twirled her fork in some noodles.

"So, Lily? Er, sorry, Buffy?" Gunn asked. "Sorry, it might take some time to get used to that."

"It's okay," she said. "Was there something you wanted to ask?"

"Well, I'm just confused about the whole Slayer/vampire thing," Gunn said. "I mean, you're supposed to fight them. How do you go from punching them to kissing them?"

"Just lucky, I guess," Buffy said, not really appreciating the criticism. Dawn snorted.

"She's blonde," Dawn said. "They're hot. Do the math."

"Hey!" Buffy cried, thankful to her sister for adding levity to the conversation. "I'm not that vapid! And I spent a long time resisting Spike's hotness."

"So you don't just love me for my body?" Spike teased.

"No I do," she said, grinning up at him. "In fact, if you could talk less, that'd be good."

"Break my heart," he said, dramatically clutching at his chest. She laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"I love you," she whispered. He leaned in and kissed her temple.

"Love you too, Blondie," he murmured. Dawn gagged loudly.

"If I wanted to see people make out, I'd go home and talk to Xander and Anya," Dawn grumbled. Buffy and Fred giggled. "Seriously! Someone needs to tell them there needs to be a time limit on newlywed bliss."

"Xander is that rather paunchy bloke, yes?" Wesley asked.

"Paunchy?" Buffy echoed, laughing. "C'mon, Watcher Boy, you've been in the States how long? Use our language."

"Yeah," Dawn agreed. "Call him fluffy, or festively plump or something."

"'Festively plump'? He's not a turkey," Spike said with a grin. "He's a chicken, to be sure-"

"Don't even finish that," Buffy laughed, covering his mouth with her hand. He nipped at her fingers. "No more puns for you, 'kay honey?" He rolled his eyes at her and chugged his blood down. He set the mug down and looked back to Buffy. She chuckled at the blood mustache he had.

"You missed a bit," she said, running her thumb over his lips. He sucked the blood off her thumb and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Buffy tore her eyes from his face and looked at the others at the table. She hadn't seen Dawn look that happy since before their mother died. Lorne had a benevolent smile, and it was mirrored by Fred. Gunn and Wesley looked apprehensive, and Angel looked absolutely jealous. She couldn't help that, though.

She wondered if he was jealous about her comfort with Spike's vampirism. Spike had never made an effort to hide what he was. He'd never denied his nature around her. Angel had. It was like he was trying to act like he was a normal guy around her. She'd never seen him drink blood except for the time he'd fed from her, and he'd always acted shamed if she had to get blood for him. Spike, in contrast, had smeared blood on her face during one of the lighter moments of their affair, and she'd fed him enough times while he was her captive.

"Buffy?" Fred asked.

"Huh? Sorry, I was spacing," Buffy said.

"I asked how you were doing with the whole being-back thing," Fred said. Buffy sighed heavily and leaned her head on Spike's shoulder.

"This is easier than being by myself," she said. "But then again, now I'm thinking about everything, so that's not so great. But I guess I needed to stop running some time and start dealing with it all, right?" Spike rubbed her arm soothingly, resting his chin atop her head.

"So are you going to go back to Sunnydale?" Fred asked.

"Uh, yeah… I think so," Buffy said. Dawn squealed in delight and threw her arms around her sister.

"Oh my god, Buffy!" she cried. "It'll be so good to have you back! Everyone will be so happy to see you! And I'll have someone to keep Spike from putting on the game face when he answers the door for my dates." Her last sentence was punctuated by a stuck-out tongue.

"Pick better blokes an' I won' have t'," Spike said, ruffling her hair.

"Rick is going to be a doctor, and you scared him off!" Dawn said, fixing her hair. "You big bully."

"Jus' watchin' out for you," Sweet Bit," he said, sticking his tongue out in kind at her.

"You could watch a little less vigilantly so I could have a date once in awhile," she grumbled.

"Uh, Buffy?" Angel asked as she started to close her eyes sleepily. "Could I talk to you for a minute? In private?"

"Yeah," she said, standing. Angel walked into a side room. Buffy pressed a kiss to Spike's cheek and whispered in his ear. "I'll just be a minute."

"Kiss his arse if he makes a move on you," Spike growled, glaring darkly at the door Angel had disappeared behind. Buffy chuckled and kissed him on the nose. She walked tot eh office as Dawn shoved Spike playfully.

"You big sap," she laughed. Buffy smiled and shut the door behind her as Spike pulled Dawn into a headlock.

"Buffy?" Angel asked. She turned around, her smile immediately fading.

"You wanted to ask me something, Angel?" she asked impatiently. Now that she'd been with him, it was making her anxious to be away from Spike.

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Angel asked, stepping towards her. He reached out to touch her arm and she stepped out of reach.

"I'll be fine," she said. "We're working on it."

"You and Spike," he said, almost snarling Spike's name.

"Yes, me and Spike," she said. "Angel, what's your real problem with this? I swear, if you get any broodier, your face is gonna stick that way."

"It's Spike, Buffy," Angel said.

"Yes, Spike," she said. "Who loves me. Who I love. But which makes you more angry, that I'm in love with him or that I'm not in love with _you?"_

"I just don't know why you didn't come to me," he said. "I could've helped you."

"Yeah? What would you have said if I came to you six months ago when I landed in LA?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I would've told you that you needed to go home," he said without hesitating. It never even occurred to him to lie about it.

"Do you know what Spike said?" she asked. Angel just frowned at her. "He asked me for five minutes. He didn't tell me to go home. He didn't say I needed to go anywhere. He just asked to see me for five minutes."

"Buffy, be reasonable," Angel insisted. "You know he wanted you home."

"Yeah, I know that," she said. "But he never asked. And even though I told him not to, he kept looking for me. You thought I was dead!"

"Buffy, this is Spike we're talking about. He tried to kill you and your friends." Captain Forehead just wasn't getting it.

"_You_ tried to kill me and my friends!" she argued. "Hell, you _did_ kill two of my friends!" She wanted this conversation to be over. She didn't like the desperate look in his eyes. "Look, Angel, I'm with Spike," she said. "I'm going to go home with him. I don't want to be with you."

"Buffy, it's supposed to be us," he said. He gripped her shoulders hard with both hands. "I'm going to get the Shanshu, and then we'll be able to be together." He pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. She clenched her jaw and kicked him back with one leg. He recovered, moving back towards her, and she sent him flying with a wicked right hook to the jaw.

"Touch me again ad I'll let Spike finally kill you," she snarled, wiping her mouth with the back of her left hand. His teeth had scraped the knuckles of her right, and they were bleeding. Turning her back on him in disgust, she walked back into the main room. Spike and Dawn were on the floor wrestling, much to the amusement of Angel's crew.

"Say it!" Dawn demanded. She had Spike in a headlock, which Buffy knew from experience wasn't an easy thing to do.

"Never!" Spike snarled. Dawn brought one hand down and pinched him on the ribs. Buffy's vampire yelped like a puppy and Dawn did it again.

"Fine!" Spike yelled, laughing.

"Sing for me, birdie," Dawn said smugly, not releasing him. Spike growled and rolled his eyes.

"I'm a little teapot," he sing-songed. Buffy laughed incredulously, then doubled over, roaring with laughter.

"Glad I could amuse you," Spike growled, running a hand through his hair once Dawn released him. Neither Summers could hold back her laughter. "'S not that funny," he growled.

"I'm sorry," she said, still giggling. Spike pouted. "Come here." She held her arms out to him, and he stepped into her embrace. "I love you, even if you are goofy and lost to a girl," she said, kissing his pouty lip. His expression didn't change, so she bit down gently on his lip and sucked it into her mouth.

"Tell me you love me or I'll tickly you into submission," she threatened. Spike rolled his eyes and kissed her on the bridge of her nose.

"I love you, you daft bint," he said. He took both of her hands in his, frowning when he saw the blood. "What happened, luv?"

"Well you did tell me to kick his ass," she said, shrugging.

"Wanker," Spike seethed. He examined her cuts closely. "He bit you?"

"His teeth scraped me as I knocked him out," she said. "How'd you know."

"I could smell it," he said. "It'll take a bit for these to close up. Vamp saliva will keep it open."

"Can you close them up for me?" she asked. He'd done it before, when some of his love bites had broken the skin.

"Yeah, if you wan' me t'," he said.

"You've tasted me before," she murmured. She cupped her good hand around the back of his head. "I trust you."

"Love you," he murmured. He took her wounded hand in both of his, then bowed his head. He suckled gently, cleaning away the blood. He closed her cuts and lifted his head back up to look at her.

"Thank you," she said, taking his face in her hands. She kissed his mouth gently.

"Isn't that gross?" Gunn asked from the sidelines. Buffy pulled away and raised an eyebrow at him. "Kissing a vamp after he's just finished cleaning your cuts?" Gunn clarified.

"Not really," Buffy said, shrugging. "It's my blood, anyways. But I don't kiss him right after he's fed. Animal blood is gross."

"It's just so weird," Gunn said as Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy's tiny waist and tugged her to him. "I mean, I'm used to it all with A, but seeing a human actually willingly kissing a vampire… it's wiggin' me."

"Yeah, every once in awhile I got that way too," she said. "But you get used to it. And sometime's it's fun." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

"Fun?" Fred asked.

"Yeah," Buffy said, laughing. "I mean, he's strong, and he's fast. He's fights as well as I do-"

"Hey, you've been outta the game for two years," Spike said. "I could mop the floor with you."

"You just got beat by a little, human, girl," Buffy said, grinning. "I think I could take you."

"Okay, let's go," he said, falling back into a fighting stance. Buffy laughed and mirrored him. He lunched first and she weaved, swatting him on the butt as she passed him. He turned and swung a fist at her. She bobbed and weaved, making his fist catch nothing but air. "God, I missed dancin' with you," he said. She snapped a kick up at his face and he dodged it.

"They're dancing?" Gunn asked. Dawn shrugged as Spike caught Buffy from behind. She shoved him off with an elbow to the gut.

"They're quirky," Dawn said. Buffy connected a roundhouse to his shoulder, sending Spike sprawling onto the floor. She followed him, landing atop him with a thud. She straddled his hips and pinned down his shoulders with her hands.

"And you're dead," she said, panting. "Face it, you've gone soft."

"I'll show you soft,' he muttered, angling his hips up. She gasped and instinctively ground down against him.

"Stop that," she murmured, her eyes fluttering closed.

"You stop it," he countered, reaching a hand up to grip her hip.

"How 'bout you both stop it and go get a room?" Dawn asked, covering her eyes with one hand. Buffy turned a vibrant red and looked up sheepishly. The world had a habit of falling away when she was this close to him.

"Sorry," she mumbled, climbing off Spike.

"Eh, guess I'll have to get used to you two being all moon-eyed," Dawn said, shrugging. She uncovered her eyes and groaned. "God, when Olivia comes to visit Giles, I'm going to have to leave town for all the lovey-dovey crap." Buffy and Spike both made faces at her reference to Giles' "orgasm friend." The pair climbed to their feet, their hands finding each other to hold on tightly.

"So, are you going to go home tonight?" Fred asked, smiling softly at the pair. They were a good looking couple, and Buffy looked so happy, it was hard not to be happy for them.

"Uh, I dunno," Buffy said. She frowned and looked to Lorne. "I feel bad not giving you two weeks'."

"Buffy, honey, I hired a new bartender yesterday," he said with a smile. "I knew as soon as Blondie there got to town, you'd be leaving for one reason or another."

"Oh. Well, then," she said. She looked up at Spike. "I don't know if I'm ready."

"We can take as long as you need, luv," he said. "Sunnyhell's not goin' anywhere."

"What time is it?" she asked, looking to the others.

"Uh, about 3 in the afternoon on Saturday," Gunn said.

"We'd have to drive by night, right?" she asked, looking back at Spike.

"Yeah, soul doesn't make me sun-proof," he said with a crooked smile.

"What if I went to my apartment today and packed everything up? She asked. "Then, if I'm ready tonight, or tomorrow, or two weeks from now, we can just go."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Dawn asked.

"We'll both go, Bit," Spike said. "I'll jus' take a blanket."

"Yes! I get to drive!" Dawn said happily. Buffy looked up skeptically at Spike. He looked mildly afraid.

"If you kill us, I'm telling," Buffy said.

Dawn managed to get them to Buffy's apartment building without killing them or anyone else. Barely. Buffy climbed shakily out of the car as Spike dashed for the shadows of the building entrance.

"Okay, you're terrifying," Buffy said. Dawn rolled her eyes.

"Oh, it was so not that bad," she said. They stood outside the door, waiting for Buffy to unlock it. "C'mon, Spike's gonna cook out here."

"Hold on," Buffy said. "I've got to put my glamour back on. My landlady's finicky." Spike and Dawn watched as she chanted quickly and became Lily again before their eyes.

"Nifty," Dawn said.

"It comes in handy," Lily's voice said. She unlocked the door and Spike pushed past her for the safety of the shelter. With a chuckle, they followed him.

"Lily?" her landlady called. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, hey, Mrs. T," she said, stepping into the doorway of the landlady's office/apartment.

"Rent's due on Monday, sweetie," the lady reminded her.

"Yeah, about that…" Buffy said. "Uhm I'm leaving. I'm going back home."

"Really?" Mrs. T asked. "Well, good luck to you. Make sure you leave what furniture was there and leave your keys on the kitchen counter. And I'll know if you took anything."

"Of course," Buffy said. "I'd never try to get anything past you."

"We'll miss you, Lily," the lady said. Buffy smiled and turned away. She gestured for Dawn and Spike to follow her up the stairs. Once they were out of sight, she shook off the glamour.

"Much better," Spike said, kissing her temple. They climbed the stairs to her floor, and she led them to her apartment. Unlocking her door, she held it open for them

"Spike needs an invite," Dawn reminded her.

"Get in here, stupid," Buffy said, grinning at him. He snarled mischievously and jumped at her, nibbling on her neck. Dawn gagged again.

"God, you two are going to be unbearable," she said.

"Jus' makin' up for lost time, Bite Sized," Spike said.

"Bite Sized?" Buffy asked. "She's bigger than me!"

"Trust me, you're not the first to pose that argument," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "It never works. I think the bleach has melted his brain." Dawn grinned and put her hands on her hips. "But y'know what's funny? Watching him try to bleach his hair without a reflection. He nearly put his eye out." Buffy smiled and started moving around the apartment, gathering up her few personal belongings.

"Dawn, will you do me a favor and put all the food in the cabinets in some bags?" Buffy called, moving to her bedroom. Spike followed her, watching as she pulled suitcases and boxes out and began filling them with her belongings.

"You're pretty efficient at this," he commented.

"I've done this a few times," she said quietly, not looking at him.

"How many times?" he asked. She paused, counting.

"Uh, fifteen, counting this one and Sunnydale," she said.

"Let's not make it sixteen, okay?" he said. She turned back to look at him, smiling.

"Okay,' she said. He held out his arms to her and she went to him, letting him envelope her. She inhaled the spicy scent of him and hummed in appreciation.

"I'm scared," she admitted quietly. She burrowed closer to him.

"I know, luv," he said. "I'll take care of you. I'll not let anyone hurt you." She sighed contentedly and cuddled impossibly closer to his chest.

"I haven't felt this good in a long time," she murmured. "Even with the whole being-scared thing. It's been years since I've felt like this."

"I know," he said, kissing the crown of her head. She tilted her head up and kissed him softly. One hand reached up and knotted itself in her hair, and she pulled him closer to her by wrapping her arms around his neck.

"God, I missed kissing you," she murmured, breaking away to gasp for breath.

"Missed every part of you," he mumbled. He kissed her again, his hands rising up to stroke her cheeks. He pushed her back slowly, walking with her until her calves hit the bed. Without breaking the kiss, they fell together onto the bed. Spike's hands moved from her face, down her neck, over her arms, and rested on her hips. His thumbs rubbed her skin under her shirt, and one hand slipped under the fabric to caress the smooth skin of her belly. His hand slid higher, cupping her breast through her bra.

"No, wait, Spike," she gasped, pushing him away with one hand. He frowned, worried he hand done something wrong. "I'm not ready for that," she murmured, cupping his cheek. "I love you, and I want you, but I'm not ready. Give me time?"

"Of course, luv. I'm sorry I pushed. I wasn't thinking," he said, moving to get off of her. She pulled him back, kissing one corner of his delicious mouth.

"I was not done kissing you," she said. "We just can't go any farther than that." He grinned wickedly at her, moving down to kiss her neck. She groaned, gripping the back of his head.

"Cheater" she moaned. "You do thinks like that and I want nothing more than to have you naked."

"Jus' say the word," he said.

"No, we can't," she panted as he sucked on the skin over her collarbone. "Spike, listen to me."

"I am listening," he mumbled against her skin.

"I want to love you," she said. "I want to know you. And we can't do that if we just pick up where we left of with the sex and stuff."

"Right," he sighed, pulling away. "I know, I jus'… sorry, I'll behave."

"My silly vampire," she purred, rubbing his back. "Let's just rest for a minute, then we'll pack, okay?"

"Sure, pet," he said, "but 'm squishin' ya."

"Slayer strength," she said, cinching her legs around his to hold him there. "Besides, I like the feel of you here."

"Hmm," he hummed, his demon purring. He bent his head to kiss her lazily again, their tongues tasting each other.

"So, Buff, I'm not sure three bags of popcorn and a jar of peanut butter can really be considered 'food'," Dawn said, walking into her room. She caught sight of Spike on top of her sister, and her hand flew to cover her eyes. "Jeez! Can't you two at least shut the door?!"

"Sorry, Little Bit," Spike said, climbing off the bed.

"Seriously, stop calling me Little Bit," Dawn said.

"But you _are_ little," Spike reasoned.

"I'm as tall as you!" She pulled herself up to her full height, and sure enough, she was eye-to-eye with him. Buffy giggled from the bed.

"Yeah, well, you're skinny," Spike snapped.

"And you're just horrendously fat," Dawn countered with an eye-roll.

"Oi, look here, brat, don' you give me lip."

"It looked like Buffy was giving you enough lip for one day, so I'll pass, thanks," Dawn said, grinning sarcastically.

"That's it, you're grounded." Dawn crossed her arms. Buffy could hardly breathe from laughing.

"Bite me, Bleach Boy," Dawn snapped.

"Nah, you'd be too stringy," Spike said. Dawn was grinning happily at her sister's laughter, and it was contagious.

"Oh, I'll give you stringy, soul-boy," Dawn said. "You're goin' down. And I'm gonna make you sing somethin' way worse than 'I'm a little teapot.' I'm thinking Spice Girls."

"Stop! Please stop!" Buffy cried from the bed, fat, happy tears falling from her eyes. "You're gonna kill me." Spike turned to her and pounced playfully, nipping at her neck.

"Thought that was funny, huh?" he growled, tickling her sides. She yelped and thrashed, trying to buck him off.

"Stop! Stop, please! You win!" she cried.

"Damn right I do," he said, kissing the ridge of her nose. Over his shoulder, Buffy could see Dawn gesturing for her to tickle him under his ribs. Grinning, Buffy pinched him. He yelped lie a puppy and jumped off the bed.

"Okay, that's enough, you two," he said in his best authority voice. "Get back to work." He stalked out into the main room as the sisters dissolved into laughter. Dawn skipped over to the bed, throwing herself down next to her sister.

"It's good to see you laugh," Dawn said. "I think the last time I've seen you laugh was before Glory."

"Hell, it feels like the last time I felt this good was before I was Slayer," Buffy said, propping herself up on one elbow.

"Is it Spike?" Dawn asked. Buffy smiled.

"I think he's a big part of it," she said. "I love him, Dawnie."

"I know," she said. "He told me. He also told me why he left."

'I told him I could never love him without a soul," Dawn said. "I was lying. I think I was in love with him even before I died. Definitely after I came back. Hell, I don't know, maybe I was in love with him after that godforsaken engagement spell."

"He's a good man," Dawn said. Buffy nodded and Dawn smiled affectionately. "He's changed a lot, Buff. When he came back, he was a mess. Talking to himself and trying to claw his soul out and stuff. It was good for us, though. We were all still so torn up about Willow and Tara dying, and you leaving, it was nice to have a distraction from our own pain. He needed us."

"How did he get better?" Buffy asked.

"He just needed time," Dawn said. "I spent a lot of time downstairs, reading to him and talking and stuff. Sometimes we were just quiet, me doing my homework and him sleeping. I think it helped keep him calm when someone was around him. Xander called it Xanax for vampires. Then, it was almost overnight, and he was okay. He was still sad, and he apologized for _everything_, but he was better. We moved him upstairs, to your old room. And now, I mean, he's fine. I think the guilt still gets to him sometimes. Every once in awhile he still has nightmares. Or day mares, I guess. Whatever." Buffy chuckled.

"But he's good? It's not just an act for my sake?" she asked.

"No he's not faking," Dawn assured her. "He's good. Fighting, screwing with Xander, stealing Giles' scotch, that kind of stuff. He's like the old Spike, just less fangy."

"That's good," Buffy said. She'd been worried he was just trying to be strong for her, because she was so close to breaking down.

"And… I'm not trying to lay the guilt-trip on you or anything, cuz I know you're already there, but he would've done better with you there," Dawn said. "I mean, even now, when he has his bad dreams, he's calling for you. He misses you."

"I know," Buffy said quietly. "I missed him. I called the house a few times so I could hear his voice. Yours, too. You answered twice when I called."

"Why didn't you ever say anything? We wanted to hear from you. Two years, and we didn't even know if you were still alive, Buffy."

"I know," Buffy said, playing with the hem of her shirt. "I screwed up. I just… After Will-"

"I know, I get it," Dawn said. "You just needed time. But will you let us help you now?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna try to be better," Buffy answered. "I wanna be a good sister for you, and a good girlfriend for Spike."

"You'll do fine," Dawn assured her. "And, if Xander or Giles give you hell, Spike'll kick their asses."

"Chipped, Dawnie," Buffy reminded her.

"Yeah, about that-" Dawn started. "Kinda not. The chip started to degrade about a year ago. So we called this demon surgeon guy and had him remove it."

"He's got a soul now," Buffy said. She wasn't sure who she was convincing. Spike had been able to hurt her after she'd been resurrected, but he hadn't. He'd never even tried seriously.

"Yeah, he's been good," Dawn agreed. "Xander argued against taking it out, and Spike _did_ break his nose as soon as he was awake, but other than that-"

"Whelp deserved it," Spike said from the doorway. He leaned against the jamb and looked at the sisters with a small smile.

"How's that?" Buffy asked.

"Call it revenge for makin' a fool of me for three years," Spike said with a shrug.

"Anya did say Xander should've been nicer to you," Dawn agreed.

"You din't see me hittin' you girls or Rupes, now did I?" he said. "Just the one that treated me like dirt."

"Should I watch my back, then?" It sounded like a joke in her head, but as soon as the words hit the air, Buffy grimaced.

"Hey," Spike said, coming to her side in an instant. She sat up and faced him as he dropped to his knees by the bed. "Stop thinkin' like that," he ordered.

"I'm so sorry," she said, taking his hands in hers. She kissed his knuckles one by one. "I'm so sorry I treated you the way I did. I was so wrong, Spike."

"Shh, stop it, luv," he said, cupping her chin. "It's over, done. Don't ever think about it again."

"I love you," she murmured.

"I love you, Buffy," he whispered.

"Ugh, I'm gonna go pack up your bathroom if you two are going to make out again," Dawn grumbled.

"Bye," Spike said, waving. Buffy giggled and leaned down to capture his lips. Dawn gagged loudly and jumped off the bed.

"We really should pack," Buffy mumbled against Spike's lips.

"Yeah," he sighed. He stood up, holding her hands I his and waited for her to stand. When she was upright, Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug.

"C'mon, luv, let's get you packed," he said. "Then we can spend the rest of the afternoon in bed."

"Playing checkers, right?" Dawn asked from the door to the bathroom. She set the box she'd filled on the floor and cocked one hand on her hip.

"No, not playing checkers," Spike countered. He acted affronted. "You honestly think so little of me, Bit?"

"I honestly think so little of the male race," Dawn argued. "You guys really do think with your penises."

"Not all of us," Spike said defensively.

"Sorry, honey, I've gotta agree with Dawn," Buffy said. She leaned up and kissed the tip of his nose. She dropped her voice low. "And I remember a certain someone distracting me from my job quite a few times so he could get some nooky."

"Am I going to have to do all the work here?" Dawn grumbled, moving to Buffy's closet to toss clothes into the suitcases. Buffy laughed and released Spike, moving to Dawn's side.

"Sorry," she said to her sister, folding a shirt. "It's just been a long time since we've seen each other."

"I know," Dawn reminded her.

"814 days is a long time, you know."

"God, you were counting? You guys are just sad. Tragically lame."

"Well, 815 days today," Buffy said, ignoring her. She turned to Spike. "But today doesn't count, does it?" Dawn scoffed and tossed the last piece of clothing into the suitcase.

"Is that everything, luv?" Spike asked.

"Looks like," Buffy said. "My Jeep's downstairs, so I'll pull it around."

"You have a car?" Dawn asked as Buffy rooted around for her car keys.

"Did you think I walked here from New Mexico?" Buffy asked skeptically, locating her keys under the table. She put her glamour back on and dashed downstairs to pull her car around to the front of the building. She and Dawn loaded her stuff into the trunk while Spike stayed safely inside, cleaning up the mess left behind. By the time they were ready to leave, it was almost sundown. Spike slipped in next to Buffy in the Jeep and Dawn followed in Spike's car.

"I want to go home," Buffy said, breaking the pleasant silence of the car.

"Okay," Spike said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Tonight?" she asked.

"Whenever you want, luv," Spike answered. She turned to smile at him once they'd reached the Hyperion again.

"What'd I do to get you?" she asked, running her thumb over his cheekbone.

"You were very, very good in a past life," Spike said with a grin. He gave her a quick kiss on the nose then turned to climb out of the Jeep. "Hey Bit," he called. "Go get your stuff. We're goin' home."

The younger Summers grinned. "Cool. Want me to call the Scoobs?"

"Nah, we'll surprise 'em," Spike said with a wicked smirk. "Maybe ol' Rupe's heart'll finally give out."

"You're terrible," Buffy admonished, getting out of the car.

"You love me," he argued.

"That's beside the point," she said. They walked together into the Hyperion lobby and Spike pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"'M gonna go get my stuff," he said. "You say your goodbyes, luv." He headed upstairs after Dawn, leaving Buffy alone in the lobby with Angel's crew.

"You're leaving?" Fred asked. Buffy jumped slightly; she hadn't registered that they were in the room yet.

"Uh, yeah," she said. "As soon as it gets dark enough for Spike to drive."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Fred asked, stepping up to her.

"No, not at all," Buffy answered honestly, chuckling a bit. "But if I don't go now, I never will."

"Good luck," Fred said, pulling her into a hug. Lorne was next, enveloping her in his polyester-clad arms.

"Stay safe, Lily Pad," he murmured.

"Thank you for everything, Lorne," she said. "I'm so glad I got to know you."

"Likewise, Baby doll," Lorne said. Wesley and Gunn hugged her briefly, giving her their goodbyes and good lucks. Angel stood at the side of the room, arms folded and staring at his feet.

"I'm leaving now, Angel," Buffy said, coming to stand in front of him.

"Drive safe," he said gruffly.

"That's it? All I get is 'drive safe' and a glower?"

"You made it clear you didn't want me in your life, Buffy," Angel said, still not looking at her.

"I really hope one day we can be friends, Angel," she said. She stood up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Goodbye."

"See ya around, Peaches," Spike drawled from the door. He held his and Dawn's bags in one hand. Dawn hugged each of Angel's gang in turn but Angel himself.

"Is it dark yet?" Buffy asked.

"Sun's goin' down now," Spike answered. "We goin' now?"

"I figure it's like a band-aid," Buffy said.

"Okay, luv," he said, "then let's go."

"Drive safe!" Fred called as they trio headed for the door.

"So, I'll follow you guys, okay?" Dawn asked, heading for Spike's car.

"Oi! Be careful with my baby, you!" Spike yelled after her. She waved him off and jumped into the driver's seat. Spike tossed the bags into the back seat of the Jeep and climbed into the driver's seat. Buffy settled in next to him, scooting as close to him as she could. Spike shifted the car into gear and wrapped his free hand around her fingers.

They talked quietly while he drove through the desert, covering most of the two years she'd been gone. She laughed when he told her about the pranks he and Dawn had pulled on Giles and Xander. Especially when he told her about the time they'd super-glued Xander's pants to his chair. She'd cried softly when he told her about Willow and Tara's funeral and Xander and Anya's wedding. For most of the drive, they were silent, holding hands and watching as the scenery disappeared.

Buffy drew in a deep breath when they passed the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. Spike squeezed her hand in his tightly. She gripped his hand like a life-line as she watched as the town she'd left passed by her Spike turned onto Revello Drive and stopped the Jeep in front of the house. Dawn, who'd kept close to them the entire drive, pulled her care into the driveway. She jumped out and bounded over to the Jeep as Buffy and Spike got out. Buffy gripped Spike's hand tightly, tethering herself to his anchor.

"I'll go in first," Dawn said. "I wanna see their faces."

"Wicked girl," Spike taunted. Dawn grinned and pushed open the door when the reached it.

"Hey guys, we're back!" she called. Giles walked into the entryway holding an open book.

"Already?" Giles asked. "I quiet thought it would take you long-" He looked up and saw Buffy, snuggled in the crook of Spike's arm. The book he held slipped from his fingers, landing on the floor with a loud thump.

"Dear Lord," he whispered.

Buffy smiled hesitantly. "Hi, Giles."

~tbc (muhahahahaha)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N- Here it is, the last installment of this one! and this chapter isnt for children, so read carefully around the smutty parts. and leave me some love!

also, i still don't own anything. every time i try to buy spike so i can have my wicked way with him, a lawyer hands me a restraining order. it's quite sad, really.

Chapter 5

Giles stared at her, dumbfounded. "Are- are you really- Well, of course you're really-" he stammered. Spike pushed Buffy towards him gently as Giles pulled his glasses off to scrub at an imaginary spot.

"Yeah, I'm back," Buffy said. "If you guys still want me."

"If we-" Giles started. He stepped toward her, quickly wrapping her in a tight hug. "You foolish girl," he said. "Of course we want you here." Buffy muffled a sob into his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso. She'd missed them all so much. Giles was the only dad she'd ever really had, or at least the only decent one she'd had. She knew he could've helped her after what happened with Willow, and she should've let him. Now, all she wanted to do was hug him for hours and let him lecture her.

"We missed you," Giles murmured, inhaling the scent of her hair. His adopted daughter, come home. She still smelled the same. She still looked the same, save for a few extra pounds on her petite frame. She looked healthy, happy. He absolutely burst with joy at the sight of her.

"I missed you too," Buffy said, but it was muffled into his chest. He pulled her away from him, raising an eyebrow.

"What was that?" he asked with a small smile.

"I missed you, too," she said, sniffling. She gave him a watery smile and hugged him hard again.

"Is the Dawnster back?" Xander's voice hollered from the kitchen. He walked into the entryway with Anya following. When he saw Spike, he frowned. "Dawn, did you have to bring back the almighty pain-in-the-ass?" he asked jokingly. "I'd gotten used to the quiet."

"I didn't bring him back," Dawn said with a smirk. "Buffy did."

"Buffy?" Xander asked, confused. Then he looked around, seeing Buffy in the circle of Giles' arms. "Buffy," he whispered.

"Hi, Xander," she said. She leaned over to see Anya. "Hey Ahn."

"Hi Buffy!" Anya said brightly, waving. Xander still hadn't moved, his jaw dropped wide open.

"Y'know, Xand, if you keep it up, your face is gonna stick that way," Dawn warned with a chuckle. Xander blinked hard, coming out of his trance.

"Are you back?" he asked breathlessly. "Like, really back?"

"I'm really back," Buffy said, extracting herself from Giles' embrace. "For, well, kinda ever."

"Buff," Xander said again, coming to her side and crushing her to him. "Are you okay? Where were you for so long? Why'd you go? Why didn't you call us? We missed you. Were you safe? Are you okay?" Xander rambled while he hugged her to him tightly.

"You asked that already," Buffy pointed out, pulling away to look up at his face. "And yes, I'm okay. I was everywhere, and you know why I left. I called a bunch, I just never said anything. I missed you guys too, so much. Yes, I was perfectly safe, and yeah, I'm okay."

"That was rather impressive," Anya said, leaning against the stair rail. "Did you hear that, Xander? She answered every one of your insane ramble questions."

Buffy laughed, wiping happy tears from her eyes. "Hi Anya," she said, pulling the ex-demon into a tight hug. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," Anya said. She brightened when they broke apart. "And now, Spike won't be quite so grumpy all the time, because you'll be giving him orgasms."

"Oh, I'm so glad you didn't change," Buffy laughed, hugging her again.

"Damn," Xander said. Buffy pulled away from Anya, frowning.

"Damn?" she asked.

"I owe your boyfriend 50 bucks," Xander said. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. Xander blushed vibrantly.

"Spike bet him that if he could get you to come home, you and Spike would be together again," Dawn said. Buffy raised both eyebrows at her vampire.

"A little cocky, are we?" she asked, partially teasing. Spike mimicked her, raising her eyebrows in challenge.

"You love me," he said. "I heard you. Can't take it back now."

"You're still cocky," Buffy said.

"But you still love me," Spike argued.

"I love you," Buffy said. Xander's jaw hit the floor again. "But you're an ass." Spike opened his mouth to argue again, But Giles cut him off by clearing his throat.

"So you two have worked some things out?" he asked, looking from Buffy to Spike and back.

"Uh, yeah," Buffy said hesitantly. "I mean, we're still working on some stuff-"

"They're together," Dawn said. "Deal."

"Okay," Xander said. "Undead Boy, hurt her-"

"I'll hand you the stake, Harris," Spike said.

Buffy gaped, watching them. Xander called Spike the Bleached Wonder, and Spike retaliated by jabbing Xander's side. That turned into a scuffle, which turned into a brotherly wrestling match. By the time Spike had pinned him twice, Xander was yelling for mercy.

"Do they do this a lot?" Buffy asked Anya, watching the spectacle.

"Yes, it's quite distracting," Anya said. "Because then I get all these fantasies in my head involving me, Xander, and-"

"Yeah, I get it," Buffy said. "Please, don't go on."

"Oh, right, I forgot you're getting orgasms from Spike now," Anya said. "He must be very happy now that your breasts have gotten larger."

"Buffy's who have huh?" Xander asked, whipping his head up from the ground. Spike was perched on Xander's stomach. He smirked and ran his eyes boldly down Buffy's body.

"How 'bout we stop talking about Buff's boobs?" Dawn asked.

"Yes, I second that," Giles said, cleaning his glasses.

"Food?" Dawn suggested. "I dunno 'bout you, but I'm starving."

"You're always starving," Spike said, climbing to his feet. He held out a hand to help Xander up.

"She's growing," Xander said. "And really skinny. We should feed her more."

"I think she's a black hole," Spike grumbled.

"She's just reached perfect child-bearing age," Anya said. "So, Dawn it is perfectly natural for you to have sexual urges. It's not healthy to deny them. And we really should get you on the pill."

"Can we not talk about this?" Dawn asked, blushing bright red. "Not that I don't appreciate our conversations, Anya, but I'd rather not have this one."

"Fine," Anya sighed. "But don't blame me when you get pregnant."

"There was a suggestion somewhere about food?" Buffy interrupted.

"Pizza?" Xander asked, looking to Buffy.

"Sounds good to me," Buffy said. Everyone but she and Spike filed into the kitchen, and Buffy sat down wearily on the stairs, her nerves shot.

"You okay?" Spike asked, kneeling in front of her. She nodded slowly.

"It's just intense," she said. "I mean, it's like I never left, but I did. So much has changed."

"Except how they feel about you," Spike said. "They're your family, luv. They love you."

"They're your family too, now," Buffy said, smiling. "I never thought I'd see you and Xander getting along."

"Yeah, I know," he said. He moved to sit behind her on the stairs, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I love you," she whispered, leaning back into his chest.

"Love you," he answered, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck. He nibbled gently on the faded bite marks on her throat as his arms pulled her up to sit in his lap.

"Anya's right," he whispered huskily into her ear, "I am a fan of these." He slipped his hand under her shirt to cup her breast. She moaned quietly and arched, her ass grinding into his crotch.

"Spike," she gasped. She shifted in his arms so her mouth could seek his. Spike let out a throaty moan when her tongue slipped between his lips, and Buffy grinned through the kiss.

"Well, they've made some kind of progress," Dawn commented, coming back into the entryway. Spike flinched and tried to pull away, but Buffy's arms, cinched around his neck, anchored his mouth to hers.

"I'm yours," she whispered in his ear, pulling away from his lips to press soft kisses along his jaw. "This isn't like last time. I don't care who sees."

"I love you," he whispered reverently into her neck. He sucked on the skin over her pulse gently as she squirmed in his lap. They'd completely forgotten the other people in the room.

"Oh, get a room for god's sake," Dawn complained. "We don't want to watch-" She was cut off by frantic knocking on the front door. Giles frowned and pulled the heavy door open, revealing a short man in a tweed suit who was panting heavily.

"Mr. Giles!" he cried, latching onto the front of Giles' shirt. "You have to help me!"

"What is it, Quincy?" Giles asked, ushering the man inside.

"Miranda," the man called Quincy panted. "She's been taken."

"Who's Miranda?" Buffy asked, frowning at Spike.

"The new Slayer," he said, his forehead creased in what looked like worry. "She's just a kid. 15 or so."

"Back to work it is, then, huh?" Buffy said, standing. "Where do you keep weapons?"

"Same place we always did," Xander said, pointing to the chest he'd made her years ago. "What are you gonna do?"

"She's a sister Slayer. She's in trouble. Thought it was kinda obvious," Buffy said as she opened the weapons chest and drew out a sword and axe. Her voice had taken on the Slayer tone of authority again. It begged no dissent. She tossed the axe to Spike, who caught it deftly.

"Where'd she get taken?" Buffy asked the still-panting Watcher.

"Restfield," he said. "Near the Peterson crypt."

"We'll start there then," Buffy said. "So much for pizza. Save me a slice, okay guys?"

"You got it, Buff," Xander said as she and Spike started running.

"Who _was_ that?" Quincy asked, looking around at the Scoobies. Dawn had a very Spike-like smirk.

"She's Buffy. The vampire Slayer."

* * *

Spike had caught the new Slayer's scent in Restfield, and they followed it until they came to a dark warehouse.

"Jus' like old times, hmm?" he asked with a crooked grin.

"I've got an idea," she said, mirroring his grin. She grabbed him by the lapels of his coat, hauling him to her for a burning kiss. She kicked open the warehouse door, walking in with him without breaking the kiss.

Low growls filled the air, and Buffy broke away from Spike's lips with a gasp. She pretended to shy away from the eyes of the doze or so vampires in the room. The Slayer Miranda was tied to a column in the center of the room, unconscious.

"Oh, sorry," Buffy giggled, cuddling into Spike's coat. "We didn't mean to crash your party."

"Yeah, sorry mates," Spike said, subtly moving so Buffy could pull a stake out of his pocket. "My bird here gets a tad excited."

"We were just walking, then we got really horny, so we needed a place to-" Buffy launched the stake at the nearest vamp, dusting him where he stood. Buffy and Spike leapt into battle together, hacking and slashing at the vampires. Buffy cleared a path to Miranda as Spike struggled with the last vamp. The vamp threw a vicious right hook to Spike's jaw, sending Spike's battle axe skittering across the floor.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled, tossing her sword through the air to him. Spike caught it one-handed, flipping it around to decapitate the vamp.

"That all?" Spike asked, drawing in deep, unneeded breaths. Buffy smiled at him and turned towards the still-out Miranda. She walked towards the girl, drawing a slim dagger from the waistband of her jeans to cut Miranda's binds.

"C'mon, honey, wake up," Buffy said, shaking the girl gently. The girl came to slowly, blinking in the darkness of the warehouse.

"Who are you?" she asked, her eyes locked on Buffy's face.

"She's a friend, pet," Spike said, standing behind Buffy.

"Mister Spike?" Miranda asked. "What happened? Quincy and I were training, and I don't remember anything after that."

"Do you feel sleepy?" Buffy asked, leaning in to look at her eyes. Miranda nodded slowly. Buffy glanced back at Spike, her brow creased with worry.

"Concussion?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Buffy said. She turned back to Miranda. "Can you stand?" The girl got to her feet slowly, leaning on Buffy for support.

"Who are you?" the girl asked again.

"My name's Buffy," she said, giving the girl a quick look-over to check for more injuries.

"Buffy? Buffy Summers? The Slayer?" the girl asked. "I thought you died."

"Not lately," Buffy said, leading the girl to the door. Spike took Miranda's other arm as the girl looked to Buffy in confusion.

"I know I've got a head injury, but huh?"

Buffy chuckled. "I died, twice. It was a thing. I got over it," she said.

"Okay…" Miranda said slowly.

"I'll tell you the story sometime when you're feeling more like yourself," Buffy said.

"I don't know what happened," Miranda said. "I've never gotten that close to actually-"

"It was just their good day, honey," Buffy said. "Well, up until that end part where they got all dusty."

"How long have you been Slayer?" Miranda asked as they walked back toward the main part of town.

"God, how long has it been?" Buffy mused. "I was 15 when I was called, and I'm 23 now, so 8 years? That's a long time for one of us."

"How did you last that long?" Miranda asked.

"I had help," Buffy said, catching Spike's eye. "Now you do too. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

"No, it's not," Buffy said. "And tell your Watcher I'm taking over your training. I'm sick of Slayers dying at 16. The only reason I've lasted as long as I have is because I had help."

"We'll have your back, Little Bit," Spike said, smiling softly at Buffy. She smirked at him.

"Dawn's gonna be mad you're giving her nickname to another girl," she said. They arrived at the Summers house and led Miranda up the stairs. When they opened the front door, the Watcher Quincy cried out and rushed to his Slayer's side.

"Oof, ease up, Quince," Miranda complained as he crushed her in a hug. "Recently beaten and kidnapped, y'know."

"Terribly sorry," Quincy apologized, releasing her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Miranda said. "Miss Summers and Mr. Spike got me out."

"Sweetheart, don't call me Miss Summers," Buffy said.

"Yeah, you'll be calling her Overbearing Pain-in-the-ass soon enough," Dawn said from the living room doorway.

"Very funny, Dawnie," Buffy said. She turned around to Quincy. "I'm taking over her training, as of now."

"I think that is a brilliant idea, Buffy," Giles said. "The advice of one of the longest-living Slayers could prove invaluable to Miranda."

"That was my thought," Buffy said. "Well, right after 'Xander better not have eaten all the pizza.'"

"There's half a Hawaiian in the fridge," Dawn said.

"Sweet," Buffy said, disappearing into the kitchen. She came back holding an open pizza box in one hand, slice of cold pizza in the other.

"Hungry?" she asked, offering the box to Miranda.

"Starved," the girl said. "I'm always hungry after I patrol."

"Yeah, me too," Buffy said. "Faith- she'd be the one before you- had this theory that hunting only served to make Slayers hungry and horny."

"Explains some things," Spike said, stealing a bite of Buffy's pizza.

"Would you stop stealing my food," she sniped, nipping at his neck. Dawn yawned broadly, leaning against Giles.

"Ooh, guess you guys are tired, huh?" Buffy said.

"It's three in the morning, Buff," Dawn said.

"Yes, let's all call it a night," Giles said.

"Miranda, you wanna come over here around 2 tomorrow?" Buffy asked. "We can start your training."

"Should you really start so late?" Quincy asked in a very Watcherly tone.

"Dude, I like my sleep," Buffy said.

"Speaking of, I'm sure you can bunk with Dawnie tonight," Xander said from his state of denial.

"Yeah, Buff, I wouldn't mind," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "Xand, I love you and all, but you're a moron."

"What?" Xander asked.

"Mr. Harris, I don't even know Buffy, and I know she's going to be sleeping in Mr. Spike's bed tonight," Miranda said.

"Damn," Xander said. "Denial used to be such a good friend to me." Anya patted his arm sympathetically, leading him upstairs to their room. Dawn and Giles said their goodnights and followed them upstairs. Miranda promised to come back tomorrow and she and Quincy left, leaving Buffy and Spike alone in the entryway.

"Eventful night," Spike commented. Buffy nodded, slipping back into the kitchen to put away the pizza. When she came back, Spike was sprawled across the living room couch. He watched as she walked around the living room, slowly, taking in the subtle changes that had happened in her house. Next to the picture of her mother, there was a picture of Willow and Tara, smiling and holding hands. There wasn't a picture of her anywhere.

"We only put up the pictures of the ones we lost," Spike said, reading her mind. She glanced back at him and he shrugged. "Down here, anyway."

"Did you put your stalker shrine back up?" she teased, sauntering over to him. He chuckled and reached a hand up to haul her down onto him. She giggled and stretched out across his length.

"I live in your room, luv," he said. "Don' rightly need _more_, do I?"

"Hmm, guess not," she said, laying her head down on his chest. He rubbed her back gently with one hand, reaching the other up to play with her hair. She snuggled sleepily into his chest.

"Tired, pet?"

"A little bit," she said.

"Wanna go upstairs?" he asked quietly. She lifted her head and grinned at him.

"Are you trying to get me into bed, 'Mr. Spike'?" she teased.

"It's a definite possibility," he purred. Buffy stood and held out a hand for him to take.

"Lead on," she said. He stood and took her hand, walking with her to the stairs.

"It's your room, luv," he said as they climbed upstairs together.

"No, it's not," she said. "It's yours. If you want it to be, it can be ours, but it's not just mine."

"Do you realize how completely and utterly amazing you are?" he whispered, turning to her in awe. Buffy's stomach did a funny little flip she hadn't experienced before. He was looking at her like she was golden, something to be worshipped. He opened the door to her former bedroom without looking away from her.

"Spike," she sighed, following him as he backed into the room. They were still only holding hands, his firm grip the only thing holding her down.

"What's wrong, luv?" he asked, worried. His brow furrowed and his lips turned down. "'M not expectin' nothin', y'know-"

She pressed a finger to his babbling lips. "No, baby, everything's fine. That wasn't an unhappy sigh."

"Oh," he said, dropping his eyes to the floor. "Sorry, it's just been a long time since-"

"I know, for me too," she said. "So let's take this slow." She leaned forward, kissing the corner of his mouth. "Hold still," she said. He froze. She kissed his lips, his chin, his jaw, and his cheekbones. She rose up on her toes to kiss the scar on his eyebrow, then lowered again to run her lips over his throat. He suppressed a growl when she nibbled lightly on the skin below his ear.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear.

"Buffy," he sighed. Her hands came to rest on his thin hips.

"Let me love you?" she asked, looking up at him shyly.

"Jesus, luv, you're actually asking?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, I'm asking," she said. "I want to make love to you. I wanna make you happy."

"Baby, if you make me any happier, I'ma burst."

"Don't do that," she purred. "I haven't even gotten to taste you yet."

"Buffy," he moaned as her lips returned to his neck, sucking on his salty skin. Her hands slipped under his shirt, leaving fire trails wherever they touched him. He raised his arms as she tugged his shirt upwards and tossed it to the floor. She turned her hands to her own shirt, stripping it slowly off and letting it fall. He couldn't help but stare at her now-fuller breasts, covered by pale pink silk.

She returned her hands to his hips, guiding him to the bed. He lay back onto the pillows, crossing his long legs at the ankle. Buffy smiled at the sight he made, one arm propped lazily behind his head, the other resting across his belt buckle. She moved to the bottom of the bed, untying his boots slowly and slipping them off. Her jeans came off next, pooling to the floor around her discarded tennis shoes. Spike was practically drooling while she bent down to take off her socks. He had seen her naked, of course, when he'd helped her into the shower, but this was different. It was even different from the times they'd been together before. This time _she_ loved _him_. _She _was the one taking her time, letting him admire her body, wrapped up like a present in pretty pink paper.

She slipped around the other side of the bed, climbing in next to him. She kissed him lazily as they pressed their torsos together. Her hands smoothed over his sin as she pulled away from his lips and slid down to kiss his collarbones. She moved down to lick his nipples briefly, then even further down to kiss his hard abdomen. He jumped when she bit down on the skin above his bellybutton and he moaned.

"Love you, God, Buffy, luv," he babbled as her hands caressed his jean-encased thighs. She unbuckled his belt and undid his fly quickly, almost ignoring his erection as it sprang free from its confines. She dragged his jeans down his legs, tossing them to the floor behind her

"Buffy," Spike sighed.

"Yes, my love?" she asked cheekily, crawling back up to kiss his mouth deeply. He gasped into her mouth when her warm hand slipped between their bodies and encircled his shaft.

"God, Buffy," he murmured. She grinned against his lips and giggled.

"You sure seem to be saying my name a lot," she observed as her hand stroked him slowly.

"'M not dreamin, right? You're really here?" He panted. She smiled and kissed his nose before slipping down his body. She kissed a trail down his chest to his waist.

"No… you're not dreaming," she said between kisses. "And yes, I'm right here." He gasped loudly and bucked his hips when her tongue darted out to lick the head of his member.

"God, Buffy, baby," he panted. She held his hips down as she wrapped her lips around his head. She hummed her approval of his strangled cry as he tried to keep his voice down. He stroked her cheek and hair as she started to move on him, taking him deeper with every journey up and down. When she dropped her hand down to cup his balls, he growled and gripped her jaw to pull her off.

"Stop," he ordered. Buffy looked up at him with slightly worried and scared eyes.

"Did I- was it- did you not like it?" she asked in a small voice.

"No, baby, that's not what I meant," he said quickly, sitting up and pulling her to straddle his thighs.

"Then why did you tell me to stop?" she asked. "I want to please you. And… wow, did I sound like the Bot right there."

He rolled his eyes. "Trust me, honey, you're pleasin' the hell out of me," he laughed, grinding his hardness against the wet crotch of her panties. He kissed her lips gently. "But I'm making love to you, sweetheart," he said. "I'm not gonna cum in your mouth."

"Aw, chivalry's _not_ dead," she teased. She bit down on his lip gently as he reached up to unfasten her bra. His hands cupped her breasts softly and she tossed the bra away.

He pushed her down so her back hit the mattress as he lowered his head to suck hard on a rosy nipple. Buffy moaned and arched when his hand dropped to caress her through her panties. She bucked her hips, desperate for him to slip his fingers under the silk, but he held off. He moved his mouth to suck on her neglected nipple, grinning at her agonized mewls. She sighed in relief when he finally hooked his fingers in the sides of her panties and dragged them down.

He came back up to her level, thrusting his tongue past her lips at the same time as he thrust a finger into her soaking passage. She cried out sharply and nearly arched off the bed. She sobbed out his name as a second finger joined the first and his thumb found her clit.

"God, I love you," she moaned as his fingers found a spot inside her that made her legs shake. "Spike… oh, god…"

"Is God my new name now, luv?" he teased, pressing down sharply on her clit. She bit down hard on his shoulder to stifle her scream. He laughed against the pain, squeezing her hip hard with his free hand. "Cuz you seem to be sayin' it a lot," he drawled.

"I hate you," she panted.

"No you don't," he said, pressing down on her clit again to punish her for her naughty words. Her sharp cry echoed off the bedroom walls.

"I'll seriously consider it if you don't stop teasing me," she threatened.

"Jus' makin' sure you're ready, luv," he argued. He dropped the joking tone. "An' what's the rush? We've got forever, Buffy," She sighed and softened in his arms.

"Sorry," she said. "My body just got ahead of my brain."

"Not your fault, baby,' he said. His voice had its teasing tone back. "I'm a bit hard to resist."

"Well, yeah, when you do _that_," she argued as he hit that tender button again. He drew his fingers out of her, bringing them up to his mouth the clean her juices off. She remembered being disgusted- or maybe just acting it- when he'd done that during their affair. But now, it just got her even hotter.

"I know we've got all the time in the world and all," she said, "but if I don't have you inside me, I'm going to explode."

"What the lady wants…" he said, taking himself in hand. She spread her legs wide as he situated himself between them, holding his body off hers with one hand. He teased her again, rubbing the head of his member over her folds slowly. She thrashed her hips and tossed her head back, closing her eyes.

"Say it," he ordered. Her eyes opened in confusion, then softened when she saw his scared expression. "Please, Buffy, I need to-" he begged. She cut him off with a kiss.

"I love you, you silly man," she said, smiling at him. Her thumb stroked his cheekbone as she leaned up to kiss him again. "I love you," she repeated. "Forever. I'm yours."

He moaned her name as he sank inside her finally. Her harsh sob of pain and pleasure as he stretched her were loud to their ears. She knew their housemates could probably hear, but she couldn't be bothered to keep her voice down. Spike shifted within her and she cried out again, her nails digging trenches in his back.

"No, don't move yet," she begged. "Just… oh, god… gimme a minute…"

"God, luv, you're so- When?" He punctuated his words with sweet kisses to her face and neck.

"You," she gasped as he started the slow slide from her. "You're the only-"

"Jesus," eh murmured as she lifted her knees to change the angle slightly. She was so warm he was afraid he'd have burn marks come morning. He'd never had anything as hot, and tight, and perfect as this. Buffy. His Buffy, for real this time. She was making love with him, not just using him as a vibrator on legs.

She squeezed him with those exquisite inner muscles and he groaned loudly. He buried his face in the hollow of her throat, inhaling the nirvana that was the scent of her blood. She locked her ankles at the small of his back and wound her fingers through the short curls on his head.

"I love you," he murmured amidst a thousand whispers of love for her, this, everything. "God I love you so much." He felt her get tighter, wetter with each of his steady thrusts and he knew she was close. He sped up his movements, their bodies slamming together in perfect synchrony. His hand slipped between them to caress her clit and she exploded, crying out his name as her body shivered and spasmed. He followed her over the edge when she bit down at the juncture of his shoulder and neck to stifle her screams.

Spike's skin broke under her blunt teeth as he exploded within her with a hoarse shout of her name. She could taste his salty, coppery blood as it filled her mouth. She swallowed reflexively, drinking him down in a way she hadn't ever before. He whimpered and his cock twitched within her when she ran her tongue lightly over the wound as it healed quickly.

"You love me, right?" she asked, rubbing his back as he caught his unneeded breath slumped over her.

"You know I do," he said.

"Say it."

"I love you, Buffy. Forever," he said, kissing her collarbone where his head rested.

"I love you, too," she said. She turned her head to look at him. He was still slumped over her body lazily.

"Spike?" she asked. He grunted sleepily in response. "If I asked you if you were mine, what would you say?" _That_ woke him back up. He rose up to look at her.

"Buffy, luv, do you know what you're asking?" he asked. "You've taken my blood-"

"I know," she said. "And when I say you're mine, I'm claiming you." She touched his face gently, smoothing the anxiety from his brow. "I love you," she said. "And I've thought this through. Since the night you found me… god, was that yesterday? It's all I can thing about. I love you, ad I want to be with you forever, if that's okay with you."

"So you're serious," he said slowly. "You really want to."

"I really want to if you do," she said. "Will you be mine? Will you let me be yours?"

"Buffy, kitten, of course I want to be yours," he said, unable to hide the tears of joy in his eyes.

"You're mine," she said, biting again on her mark, drawing blood once more. He groaned loudly as she licked her mark.

"I'm yours, baby," eh panted. She pulled her sweaty hair off her neck, exposing her throat to him.

"Buffy, I'm not sure I can-" he said, eyeing her pulsing jugular with hunger.

"You can control the demon," she said, placing her hand on the back of his head. His face shifted to his demon's and he leaned down to nuzzle her neck. Buffy could feel his member return to life inside her as he licked at her faded bite marks with his rough tongue. He started thrusting as he sucked on the skin over her vein, her hands clutching him desperately. His demon needed her to come quickly, so he dropped a hand to her clit and massaged her rapidly. His hips slammed into hers as she moaned and bucked beneath him.

When his fangs sliced through her skin, she came with a scream. He exploded within her again as he drank from her. He broke away from her neck with a gasp, licking up stray droplets of her blood as his face reverted to normal.

"You're mine," he said. "Forever. You're my girl."

"I'm yours," she gasped, almost sobbing from the intensity of her rapid orgasm. "I love you. I love you. God, Spike-"

"Oh my god," he panted, collapsing on top of her again. He pulled out of her with a groan, both feeling the loss of him within her. He lifted off of her, flopping down on his back a foot away. She rolled over, entwining her legs with his and laying her head on his chest.

"Did we really just do that?" he asked, awed. She giggled and reached up to place a kiss on her mark.

"Yeah," she sighed, snuggling into her mate's shoulder. "We just did that."

"Jesus," he murmured. She shivered as he rubbed her back lazily. "Cold, luv?" She nodded sleepily into his shoulder. He lifted her into his arms, sliding both of their bodies under the sheets.

"Hmm, I'm sleepy," she mumbled, cuddling closer into his side. He circled an arm around her shoulder and took her hand in his free one.

"Tomorrow should be interesting," he said, more to himself than to her. She leaned over and pressed a kiss over his still heart.

"Let's not worry about tomorrow until tomorrow, okay?" she suggested. "Right now I just want your arms around me."

"Right, sorry," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Brain just got a head of me there."

"Go to sleep," she said. "We've barely slept in two days."

"'M not tired," he countered. "You sleep." She yawned broadly and he couldn't suppress his own yawns of exhaustion.

"Right. Go to sleep," she ordered again. He chuckled quietly and closed his eyes. In moments they were both asleep.

* * *

Buffy'd missed waking up next to Spike, even if she'd tried to deny it when they were together. The feeling of his chest- warmed by her blood and body heat- pressed tightly against her back and his strong arm slung comfortably across her stomach was far too good to deny. She lifted his hand from her belly and pressed a kiss to his wrist. She entwined their fingers and let their hands fall back down. She fidgeted against him and his arm tightened around her. Very carefully, she slipped out from under his arm and pushed him onto his back. He released her hand and shifted in his sleep. Buffy slid the sheet down on his hips and lay down next to him on her stomach. She pressed gentle kisses to his throat, collarbone, and chest. He stayed sound asleep as she moved lower, kissing his nipples and tracing a map of his abs with her mouth. When she dipped her mouth to the defined lines of his hips, he moved in his sleep and groaned. She grinned, pressing a last kiss under his bellybutton, and moved to her final goal. He was half-hardened before she ever touched him. Slipping her hand around the base of his member, she slowly stroked him to life.

"Buffy," he murmured sleepily. She smiled in satisfaction that it was _her_ he was dreaming about. She took him into her mouth, savoring the salty taste of his skin. He tossed his head in his sleep, and she thought it was about time he woke up.

"Wakey, wakey," she sing-songed, darting her tongue out to lap at the slit on his head. His eyes darted beneath his lids but didn't open. When she dropped her mouth to suck on the tender skin of his balls, he woke with a gasp. "Morning," she said, smiling up at him.

"Morning," he replied breathlessly. He groaned loudly and arched his back when she took his member back into her mot mouth. "Jesus, Buffy," he gasped as her lips made the agonizingly slow trip up and down. He reached down to brush the hair away from her face, cupping her cheek gently as she took him as deeply as she could. She swallowed reflexively around him, and he could feel his climax coming.

"Buffy, baby, you've gotta… stop- or 'm gonna-" His protests fell on deaf ears as she sped up her movements, bobbing up and down on him until his hands fisted in the bed sheets. He came with a shout, emptying his essence into her waiting throat.

"God, Buffy, luv," he panted as she licked her lips and moved back to lie beside him.

"Did you like it?" she asked shyly. "I haven't done that in a while, I didn't know-"

"Sweetheart, hush," he said, pulling her to him for a kiss. "You're fantastic. Bloody amazing. An' in case you din't notice, I din't fake it."

"Mm, no you didn't," she said huskily, her pupils dilating with want. Going down on him had turned her on before, but this time it was intense. It was like she could feel his pleasure as her own.

"It's the bond," he said. "We're bound by blood, pet. I feel what you feel, and vice versa. 'Ve heard stories 'bout mates bein' able to read each other's minds, but I don' know how much of that's talk."

"Whoa," she murmured. "I knew some about claims, but I didn't-" He frowned deeply and she trailed off.

"Buffy, if you didn't know…" he said slowly. "Why'd you-"

"I love you," she said, running the backs of her knuckles across his cheekbone. She smiled shyly at him. "I didn't know all the little details of a claim, but I knew I loved you. I want to be with you, for as long as I can."

"Hope you're happy with forever, then, luv," he said. "A claim lasts until one mate is killed. So 's long as one of us doesn't go jumpin' off a tower, we're eternal."

"Will I age?" she asked."Can I get sick? Or hurt? What would it take to kill us? Will it affect your soul? What about-"

"Buffy," he said, cutting her off with a kiss. "Not that Babbling Buffy isn't a turn on an' all, but I can't answer your questions if you keep askin' 'em."

"Right, sorry," she said. He gave her a small smile and kissed the tip of her nose.

"No, you will not age," he said, running his hand through her hair. "You won't get sick, an' you can get hurt, but if it wouldn't kill me, it won't kill you. Maybe I should ask Rupert for some books on it."

"Or maybe we should just figure it out as we go," she said, leaning forward to nibble on his lower lips. He growled low in his throat, sending a buzz through her body.

"I like the way you think, luv," he purred. He flipped them over so he was on top of her. The movement was so fast she didn't see it until she was already flat on her back. He kissed her lazily, his tongue torturing her mouth. She reached her arms up to rub his back and he pulled away, taking her hands in his.

"Hands off, luv," he said, pinning her wrists above her head. "You got to play, not it's my turn." She whimpered and writhed under her as he pressed wet, sucking kisses to her throat and shoulders. She gripped the headboard in her clenched fists when he moved down to kiss the swell of her breasts. Propping himself up on his arms, he looked down at her body. The slightly fuller flare of her hips, the taut flatness of her belly, those lovely perky breasts that had begged for his tongue before.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, pressing a kiss over her heart. He shifted down again, sucking one hardened nipple into his mouth. He kneaded the other breast with one hand while she fidgeted and moaned.

"Spike," she whined. Her hands still gripped the headboard as though bound.

"Yes?" he asked, releasing her nipple with a pop.

"Can I touch you now?" she asked. One hand came down to touch him but recoiled when he bit down sharply on the flesh of her breast.

"Keep those hands up there or I'll tie 'em there," he ordered gruffly.

"Yes, sir," she said, scrunching her face up seriously. His fingertips danced over her ribs, making her laugh and thrash underneath him.

"Now, are we going to behave?" he asked. She nodded quickly and he grinned. "Good," he said, "then let me finish here." With that, he took the previously neglected nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue until she was mewling in pleasure again. Without warning he withdrew, trailing soft kisses over her belly.

By the time Spike parted her legs and started pressing gentling, loving kisses to the insides of her thighs, Buffy had had enough. If he decided to punish her for disobeying, she'd deal with it then. But she _needed_ his skin. She needed to touch him while he loved her with his mouth.

She knew she should probably be quiet while her fingers ran through his curly hair, but he was doing such delicious things to her. She really couldn't keep her voice down. Nor could she stay still, and he threw and iron arm over her hips to keep her anchored to the bed. Nearly twenty minutes later, after her brought her over the edge half a dozen times, he crawled back up her body to suck lovingly on his mark. He nuzzled into her neck while she tried vainly to catch her breath.

"Oh my god," she said between pants. She gripped the back of his head, holding him to her. He dropped a hand to play with her already over-sensitized flesh. She arched and cried out again as she climaxed again, and she pulled him away from her.

"Stop, please, baby, you gotta stop," she begged. "It's too much, you're gonna kill me."

"wouldn't wan' that to happen," he said, still nuzzling at her neck. "God, you're amazing."

"Isn't that my line?" she asked, still a bit breathless. "I mean, you almost killed me with the goodness of your mouth."

"Damn right I did," he said cockily. "Sounds like the way to die, though."

"Death by goodness of your mouth?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's how I plan on goin'."

"Uh-uh," he said, nibbling gently over the raised bite on her neck. She whimpered at the feeling it caused deep in her belly. "We've got an eternity of this."

"Jesus, you _are_ going to kill me one day," she murmured.

"Some day," he said. "But not today. Today, we're training." He hopped out of bed far too cheerily, in Buffy's opinion. He pulled her out of bed so she was standing on shaky legs, and he wrapped a sheet around her. He pulled on his jeans, leaving them undone at the top.

"Shower now," he said, pushing her towards the door.

"You're gonna make me shower by myself?" she asked with a pout.

"Thought you said you couldn't take any more," he said, arching an eyebrow at her.

"I changed my mind," she said coyly, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Knew there was a reason I loved you," he said as she took his hand and led him to the bathroom.

* * *

By the time Spike and Buffy made it downstairs, it was early afternoon. Their housemates were gathered in the kitchen, the radio turned up to an almost deafening level. Dawn had a book open in front of her and a sandwich in her hand. Giles had earplugs in, as did Xander, and Anya was bopping along happily with the music. Smirking, Spike, stepped over to the radio and switched it off. The silence was almost louder than the music.

"Hey, you're up!" Dawn said. "Wow, clothed and everything. We're honored."

"What's with the music, Bit?" Spike asked, opening the refrigerator to take out a bag of blood.

"Trying to avoid, mental scarring," Dawn said, flipping a page. She groaned. "Gah, ancient Sumerian's a bitch."

"Lemme see," Spike said, leaning over her shoulder. Buffy leaned against the doorway, watching with a small smile as Spike helped Dawn with her translation. Giles, now earplug-less, came to stand next to her.

"He really is quite good with her, isn't he?" he said, following her gaze to Spike.

"Yeah, he is," Buffy said. Giles smiled at her obvious happiness. Then his eyes fell to the fresh bite mark on her neck.

"Erm, Buffy?" he asked. She blinked, tearing her eyes from her mate to rest them on her former Watcher.

"Yeah?"

"You have a bite mark on your neck," Giles said. Anya's head popped up at that, gaping at Buffy from her position at the store.

"Yeah, well," Buffy said, trailing off. She caught Spike's eye and he winked at her.

"Did you mate?" Anya asked.

"Where've you been all morning, Ahn?" Xander asked. "We had to turn the radio up, remember?"

"That's not what I meant-"

"I know what you meant, Anya," Buffy interrupted. "And yeah, we mated. We set a claim."

"No way!" Dawn squealed from her seat. She jumped up and launched herself into her sister's arms.

"Okay, I'm confused," Xander said.

"Claims, Harris," Spike said. "Vampire marriage. Your Slayer asked me to marry 'er, last night. Well, more like ordered."

"I did not order you," Buffy said, slightly offended. Then, like a warm pooling in the pit of her belly, she could feel that he was teasing. The mark on her neck tingled, and she could almost hear the throaty rumble of his laughter.

"No, you didn't," he conceded, coming to stand in front of her. He laid his hands on her hips and kissed her forehead.

"I know you guys might not approve," Buffy said, looking up at Giles. "I mean, shacking p with a vampire for eternity isn't really ideal Slayer behavior."

"Buffy, I'm not sure how informed you are about what's happened in this house since you left it," Giles said, "but I assure you, Spike has become part of the family. I'm afraid we treated him rather appallingly prior to getting his soul."

"Damn straight you treated him badly," Dawn said, standing next to Buffy. "He's a good man and you know it."

"Look, Slayer, they're defendin' me," Spike said in her ear. His tone was joking, but his eyes told her he was still a little more than surprised they did so.

"Yes, Dawn, I quite agree with you," Giles said, rubbing at an imaginary spot on his glasses. "Which was why I was going to tell Buffy that now that she's back, if she wants to pursue a relationship with Spike she has my blessing."

"Damn." Xander let out an exaggerated sigh. "I miss the good old days," he said. "Now I can't make fun of him, 'cuz he's Buffy's boyfriend."

"More like husband with no possibility of divorce," Anya said. "Claims are unbreakable. So they're married, forever."

"Double damn," Xander said. "So it looks like we're stuck with the Bleached Wonder."

"Aw, we'll get used to him," Dawn teased, poking Spike in the ribs. He jumped from her touch, catching Buffy's eye and tossing her a crooked grin.

"Buffy, are you hungry?" Anya asked. "You and Spike have to be starved after so many orgasms."

"Yeah, I could eat," Buffy said, shrugging nonchalantly though a slight blush stained her cheeks. Anya handed her a sandwich as Spike poured the blood he'd gotten out into a mug to warm up. He flashed Buffy a sweet smile and a wink while he playfully jabbed at Xander. Buffy scarfed down the sandwich; she was a lot hungrier than she'd originally thought.

"Miranda should be here soon," Giles said, jarring Buffy from her dirty thoughts about exactly _what_ had made her so hungry.

"Right," Buffy said, polishing of the sandwich as Spike downed his blood in one slurp. She raised an eyebrow at her mate when he set the mug down. "You wanna go warm up?"

"Pretty warm already, pet," he said, curling his tongue behind his teeth in that way that set her on fire.

"Well, the let's see what those muscles can do," she said huskily. "I believe you said you thought you'd beat me once or twice, didn't you?" He snarled fiercely, but the feeling she got from him was playful. They headed downstairs together, to the basement-cum-training room.

"So, lover," she said, stretching her arms out, "ready for a little rough-n-tumble?" She grinned as he pounced at her. It was good to be home.

The End.

~well, that's it, my loves! i hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, press that pretty little button and tell me so! ~kitten


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